How to massacre a watermelon in 12 seconds:
1. Remove watermelon from box
2. Chop off ends of watermelon to make a fruit cylinder
3. Guillotine strip of rind with a flick of the wrist
4. Rotate fruit cylinder
5. Guillotine another strip of rind
6. Repeat steps 4 and 5 rapidly until rind resembles Lennay Kekua
7. Trim vestiges of inner rind
8. Send watermelon off to watermelon heaven
Now someone get this man a pair of safety gloves.
Ryan Craggs is Thrillist's Senior News Editor. He'll eat watermelon, but prefers canteloupe when it comes to melons. Follow him @ryanrcraggs.