You can now honor the memory of dearly departed Doritos Locos Tacos dreamweaver Todd Mills by purchasing one of said tacos for a solid $55. There's just one catch: you won't be able to open and/or safely eat it. Because it's padlocked. And the key is sold separately (supposedly, it only costs five bucks, but is suspiciously not even for sale...).
"Master Locked shut" and listed as "highly significant (consider the consequences of tardiness)", this Taco Bell favorite is available on one Brad Troemel's Etsy store, and truly makes you wonder what could happen if you don't open this treasure chest of beef and cheese right NOW.
This taco is not alone, though, as Troemel's shop is full of other bizarrely beautiful creations. Let's take a quick walk through some other favorites. You're gonna want to get your Discover card out.
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"LIVE STRONG yellow Hotdog, Pen, and Q-Tip HOLDER", $80 This is not only the hot dog, pen, and Q-Tip holder we need, but the one we deserve, and the one Lance Armstrong would try to turn into steroids. Plus, there come's a time in everyone's life when you will require all of these items at once. You don't want to have JUST a pen and Q-Tips when that time comes.
"Sensual ROSE with mildly customizable 6 inch Subway MEATBALL with red onions, black olives, and Swiss cheese", $60 A lovely yellow and red long-stemmed rose finds a home in this classic Italian sandwich. Eat your heart out, Jared. Then eat the sandwich. Then eat lots of other stuff and relapse back into fatness again.
"Efficient 5 piece MCNUGGET machine screwed straight into the wall for effective production techniques", $25 What a steal! And it even comes with the nugs already on it. Make a game out of it by tying your wrists together and playing some hybrid of limbo and bobbing for apples.
"Aggressive graffiti EGGPLANT very abusive Take Care lovingly", $85 And you thought you looked tough when you carried around JUST a knife.
Rachel Freeman is a food/drink editorial assistant at Thrillist. She believes cheese is a basic human right, and one best pursued while alone in bed with Netflix. Follow her into the abyss at @rachelifreeman.