Sagittarius (November 22nd-December 21st)
Look, Sag, if you really wanted to cook dinner tonight, you wouldn't have stayed for that "one" last drink. You also probably would have gone grocery shopping last Sunday instead of taking that spontaneous day trip to Atlantic City. I mean, I completely get that the bus was RIGHT THERE and boy, do I know all about that free-chip card. But, real talk, your vivacious thirst for life and endlessly adventurous spirit, while charming AF, can sometimes derail your big-picture goals -- like, you know, keeping more than old ketchup packets in the fridge or making it home in time for the 11pm Friends double block. How about you just stay out tonight, my dearest archer? Order some pizza to the bar -- everyone will LOVE you for it, and we both know how much you love to please -- put it on a credit card (it's like free money, right?), and just YOLO it. There's always tomorrow.
Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th)
Of all the signs in the Zodiac, Cap, you undoubtedly give the least shits about something like dinner. Honestly, who even thinks about something as petty and pedestrian as eating food when you're so busy taking over the world? The only cheddar you're interested in stacking comes in 10s and 20s. Besides, you're probably working late, logging billable hours by the truckload, the promise of partnership growing larger and larger every minute. Just grab a Luna bar from the drawer if you're feeling peckish -- it pairs perfectly with that 12th soy cappuccino. And if you really need a little something to get you through that last brief, treat yourself to a kale salad from the semi-decent French spot down the way. It won't be up to your impeccable standards -- overly wilted and under-seasoned to say the least -- but you can expense the crap out of it.
Aquarius (January 20th-February 18th)
You're a dreamer, through and through, Aquarius. Dollars to donuts you'll end up forgetting all about dinner tonight. But, unlike your neighbor Capricorn, it won't be because you're slaving away at some desk somewhere. Nope, you, my thoughtful, creative confidant, are likely off gripping a hand-painted picket sign, advocating for clean water or fair wages or some other righteous, unselfish cause, too busy chanting to hear your tummy grumbling away. My advice? Stash an almond butter-chia seed-avocado sandwich or two in your eco-friendly, reusable lunch pouch and try your best not to leave it sitting by the front door this time. Remember, even the most radical of revolutionaries still need to eat.
Pisces (February 19th-March 20th)
Pisces is ruled by Venus, the planet of pleasure, sensuality, and, curiously enough, epicureanism, and this speaks volumes about your dining habits. You gravitate towards lush, rapturous flavors -- briny oysters, penne drenched in fiery arrabbiata, pungent moules frite. I'm not saying you're a glutton, darling, it's more that you take great joy in your food, living to eat, not eating to live. So tonight, my fishy friend, I want you to lean into your cravings with gusto. Hit the market and stock up on all your seasonal favorites -- ripe, luscious peaches and plums, unctuous sausage that bursts from its casing with each bite, soft French vanilla ice cream flecked with sweet almond slivers. After you've prepared your dinner with your loving touch, set the table, light a candle, and invite a friend or lover over to share in your culinary triumph. After all, the only thing you like more than a great meal is the intimacy that comes from shared indulgence. Well, that and pouring your heart out over pasta.
Sign up here for our daily Thrillist email, and get your fix of the best in food/drink/fun.