Fried pickles? Confoundingly intolerable, especially considering I ate, and enjoyed, a stack of deep-fried Weetabix back in college. I can’t even handle the parts that’re just oil-zapped breading. The pickleness infiltrates all.
Sandwich stackers? I'd rather eat a sandwich made entirely of Stacker 2 Real 2-Way Action Diet & Energy tablets. Fine, and maybe a little honey mustard.
Artisanal pickles? I’ve been asked to leave parties because I insulted some cucumber magician's Protestant work ethic -- wow, you toiled SO HARD to place those things in a jar with vinegar, and then, a prescribed amount of time later, take them out of that very same jar. How many decades did you apprentice for?
Picklebacks? I call those "whiskey plus some other shot glass I 'forgot' on the bar. Because I’m pretty sure someone rung out a sweaty gym shirt into it."
And possibly the worst offender: bread and butter pickles. Where in hell did this name even come from? I can't help but notice that neither can be found in the finished product. On top of that, bread and butter are literally two of my top 10 favorite foods in the world. Please stop trying to turn them into pickles.