The Monday After
Hey there! The weekend is over and you're back at work (unless you don't have a job, in which case: no offense). The butt-sucking has come full circle, and you are miserable. But guess what?! Someone in your office is going to be impossibly chipper. Most likely, this is due to the fact that this person was smart and didn't go home, opting instead to see his/her family over the Christmas holiday that's coming up in three weeks. But anyway, this bright-eyed coworker will probably be glad to tell you about all the #uhmaze #deals available on the biggest e-commerce holiday of the year. You will have no money because you just bought an insanely expensive train/plane ticket, and are therefore unable to participate. Bummer, dude.
Being lavishly public about your thankfulness on social media
Throughout this postmodern frightfest, everyone you know will take to social media, where they will diarrhea saccharine humblebraggy photos all over your feed. They will use dumb hashtags, like #reunitedanditfeelssogood. They will generally behave in an entirely predictable and vexing manner, and it will make you wonder: do people actually enjoy this? Am I just a tremendous curmudgeon on whom fellow-feeling & compassion are lost? Will I ever find firm footing in this ever-changing world?