3. Because an ice cream sandwich will never hurt you (physically or mentally)
We did the math (not really but); every time you choose a popsicle, there is a 2% chance of impaling yourself due to some unforeseen tragedy, like a rollerblader barreling into you on the boardwalk while you’re halfway through a creamsicle. But cookies... cookies will never betray you like that. Each cookie holds your ice cream close to its chocolate chip bosom. Cookies will never hurt you.
4. Because the ice cream sandwich is the only frozen treat that also doubles as an allegory for the human experience
You are a scoop of ice cream -- fleeting, fragile, and soft -- suspended between two realities: birth and death, cookie top and cookie bottom; sprinkle to sprinkle, crumb to crumb.
5. Because the ice cream sandwich is the most humble dessert on the planet
Crème brûlée requires owning and operating a blowtorch. A soufflé basically needs to hear whispered words of encouragement and empowering spoken-word poetry in order to rise just right. But an ice cream sandwich? The modest combination of two warm cookies cradling your chosen scoop of ice cream in a bundle of simplicity and poise? It’s ready when you are. (Always.)