9 Foolproof Pick-Up Techniques That'll Make Your Waitress Swoon

  1. None of them.
  2. Not a single one.
  3. Maybe just eat your food, bro.
  4. N/A
  5. Nope, don't write your number on the receipt, either.
  6. Definitely not the one where you ask her to sit on your lap.
  7. Ask her questions about her life in a way that makes you seem interested in her as a person, then start trying to order her shots because she "seems like she's a real party girl."
  8. Pay for your meal, leave the restaurant, and never come back, no matter how hungry you get. You are unfit for society.
  9. No.

Dave Infante is a senior writer for Thrillist Food & Drink. If sexual assault wasn't such a ubiquitous problem in the restaurant industry, and female servers weren't harassed twice as much as their male coworkers, he wouldn't have bothered to write this hacky article. But it is, and they are, so he did. Follow @dinfontay on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat.