13. Pixy Stix
Hey, at least they’re honest about what they are. And they come with a straw, in case you want to just go ahead and snort them to get it over with quicker.
12. Bazooka Gum
1948 called, and it wants its gum back! Hahahahahaha. Oh, wait, no, 1948 doesn’t want this shit either.
11. Fun Dip
Fun Dip is just Pixy Stix with a Narcissus complex. That sugar stick, though...
For real, do these little, round, candy-coated balls that are pretty much the exact circumference of a toddler’s trachea even exist beyond Halloween? Because I’m not sure I’ve ever seen them in April. My theory, given the taste, is that the machine that makes them is used to make little balls of bath soap 360 days out of the year. Then the Sixlets crew comes in, forgets to clean the machine, and makes these odd little balls of disappointment.
9. Good & Plenty
What kind of monster would take black licorice and make it look like white and purple Mike & Ike’s? Seriously? I have a feeling that the guy who invented this came up with them after a series of food pranks, like sucking the cream out of a Twinkie and replacing it with mayonnaise. I bet it was Ike. Mike would never try to pull that.
8. Hot Tamales
Are these cultural appropriation? Or is this just Ike being a trickster again? Either way, they’re gross.