The Grill Coach
He didn’t bring anything to grill, but there he is, hovering over the coals like a deranged prison warden. “Did you wash your hands?” he asks the grillmaster between each course. He has opinions on seasoning, technique, timing, heat, and, of course, politics. Until the coals go dead, he will remain here like an angry, carnivorous plant.
He shows up with two 22oz beers because he “doesn’t drink that crap” that everybody else drinks… until his two beers are gone, after which time he’ll drink everything in the cooler, in descending order of price. He will complain with each sip, but refuse to chip in when somebody volunteers to go on a beer run. He’ll definitely help empty the cooler when that volunteer returns.
The Corner Master
He hasn’t found a single person who wants to talk about politics, his cat, D&D, or any of his other interests, so now he’s got you completely cornered when you’re most vulnerable: while you’re manning the grill. Do you risk burning those pork chops just so you don’t have to endure another 5 minutes of hearing his theory about how Mila Kunis movies have helped open the door for cyber attacks from the Arctic? Yeah, you probably do, but for some reason, you need to see this one through.