"A few years ago I was out to lunch with a number of co-workers at this local sandwich shop in the bitter white north. Not a hugely extensive menu, just a handful of sandwiches and salads with bags of brand chips as a side option. We didn't have a waiter/waitress -- just a food runner in charge of bringing our order out, and maybe refills if they were feeling extra helpful.
"Now, one of my co-workers was… tough to get along with. He was friendly, but in the way that he thought he was the edgy guy with the crass sense of humor. He also had a short fuse and was a loud man. In fact, he could have easily served as the understudy for Farva from Super Troopers. Another thing to note is that he was particularly short with those in the service industry... unless his server was an attractive woman. So, in summation, he was scum.
"He ordered a grilled chicken sandwich and sat down with the rest of us to wait for the food to come out. After a few minutes our server set our plates in front of us, did the usual "anything else?" speech, and left. It was only after that Farva realized his sandwich consisted of lettuce, tomato, honey mustard, onion, and bread. No chicken.
"To be fair, that's a significant oversight, especially considering we were the only ones in the restaurant, but it was lunch. We were in no hurry, there was more food available, we'd all be OK. Everybody remain calm. But calm was not to be remained that day. Farva was seething.
[Editor’s Note: OK, yes, this is a pretty large -- albeit hilarious -- mistake. This does not make Farva less of an asshole for what happens next.]
"As soon as the runner came into view, he snapped his fingers to get her attention. She sweetly approached the table from behind his seat and asked if everything tasted OK. No, ma'am. Farva did not turn around, but instead hoisted the open sandwich over his head a few inches from her face and said, 'Where's the fuckin' chicken?'
"Our server laughed (nervously, or because it was kind of a funny mistake) and offered to remake it. Not without a few lines of lecture from our dear friend about what was supposed to go on a chicken sandwich. Namely, chicken.
"This next part made the server the real hero of the story when she came back and, sweet as ever, apologized to Farva and said that there were no more chicken fillets, and if there was anything else she could get for him. In my imaginary scenario the kitchen had loads of thawed to frozen fillets, and it was only Farva's behavior that earned him a little white lie. He was piiiisssssssed, and ultimately decided he wasn't ordering anything, so he went hungry.
"We heard a lot of bitching the rest of the day about how shitty that place was and how we should never go back there, and that it was probably going to go out of business soon. If you ask me, the chicken sandwich was pretty bangin', and eating it in front of him that afternoon with (presumably) the last chicken fillet, was enough to make me a repeat customer." -- Casey Hollister [Editor’s Note: Farva’s just unhappy the meal wasn’t at Shenanigans.]