We like to pretend we're easy to feed
First off, we’re needy as hell. And the worst part? We love to pretend we’re not. “Oh, don’t worry about me, I’m easy,” we say at every dinner/BBQ/gathering at which there is food. But you best bet I’m silently cursing you in my head for forcing me to “just eat all the sides.”
You want to go to that new German restaurant for your birthday dinner? We'll say something like, “I mean, yeah, sounds good, I just hope there’s something I can eat there, but I’m sure it’ll be fine! But you know all they serve is sausage, right?” And we’ll show up to your birthday party, but not before attending a pity party for ourselves first.
Then, at the party, we'll drop passive-aggressive lines like, “Why do Germans eat so much meat?! But really, I’m SO fine sustaining myself on sauerkraut and soft pretzels. You just enjoy your wurst, birthday boy!!” We’re selfless, I tell you, SELFLESS.
We find it necessary to tell the world we don't eat meat
And don’t worry, you’ll never have to wonder about our dietary restrictions, because we will always make sure to tell you. We’re just considerate like that. Sure, you didn’t ask why I’m only taking the fries and not the chicken nuggets at the free office lunch, but I know you’re obviously wondering, so I might as well let you know that I “don’t eat that stuff.”
And if you detect an air of pride in that statement, well, it’s because there is one. You think me telling you how I don’t eat animals is a time for subtlety? Think again, bro. We relish the moments where we can reveal our moral superiority. And hey, I’m not saying we shouldn’t be proud of our choice because, look, we should be really damn proud.