“We were gonna play golf the next day, and Bell comes in, and he got outside the door, didn’t even open the door, and he’s like like, 'Ohhhh my god, what in the world??’ I probably evacuated the entire floor of this hotel. And I was like, ‘I can’t golf.’
“So the day after that it’s time to race. It’s my first ever quad race. Just as a joke, we’re wearing costumes and stuff. I couldn’t even keep Pepto Bismol down at this point. Literally the only thing I’m shitting is blood, and I’m dry heaving but nothing’s coming out. Right before the race started, I drank enough of something to puke it back up, and tried to eat something but that didn’t work. And I’m like, this is just miserable.
“About an hour into this race, I had diarrhea pants, I had vomit in my helmet, and I somehow got second, despite thinking I’m going to die.
“The next day is the Weston Beach race, the motorcycle race. On the first lap, I didn’t have the energy, and I just fell over and got run over. Dislocated wrist, completely fucked: it did an S where it normally goes straight. And all I thought was ‘thank GOD, they’re gonna put me under for sure.’
“So I went straight to the hospital, and they’re like, yeah, we've gotta do surgery right now, you lost blood supply to your hand.’ And it was literally the only time I was able to sleep for the next two weeks. I ended up losing about 25lbs, and I thought my stomach would never be able to handle any food ever again.
“Would I do it again? Even a little bit? Absolutely not. There would have to be something threatening the life of my child. If you said we’re going to take a baseball bat to your back, and it’s going to break, I’d say go for it, before I would touch that stuff again.
“Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to food. I’ve been sick on oysters, I’ve had food poisoning, and it’s all miserable, don’t get me wrong -- none of it’s good. But this was far and away the worst experience of my entire life. And it wasn’t a day, or two days -- it was a two-and-a-half-week experience. It made my broken wrist a blessing. They gave me a painkiller IV because I couldn’t keep anything down, and if I didn’t break my wrist and get that I might not have survived. For about five years I couldn’t even smell curry: I’d just have a gag reflex.
“And that was my trip to Europe!”