5. You’ll get the meat sweats
After six straight days of consuming thick strips of lamb fat, you will, without fail, feel your body start to cry tears of unfathomable meat-sweaty sadness. You will also not smell great. You can shower as frequently as you like, semi-obsessively even, but this situation will not change. Sleep on a towel.
6. You might vomit
I didn’t. But I came really, really (guys, really) close. After just four days of kebabs, gyros, bacon breakfasts, and tandoori salmon from a cart with no sink, my body was starting to rebel. I’d gone from a lifestyle of daily kale smoothies to eating buckets of greasemeat with my fingers, and my body was totally willing to fight. Outside a movie theater, in front of a bunch of kids and dogs and my boyfriend’s friends, and whatever god is in charge of bad decision making, I ended up doubled over, coughing this vile, lard-lubricated cough, and was genuinely surprised when it did not turn into a puke. Upside: passing up popcorn has never been easier.