But what about if I, personally, went to one of these bodegas and ordered a chopped cheese? Would I get that same treatment? This cook has never seen me before.
Mero: You look mad Puerto Rican. You good.
Desus: And it isn't even about how you look, it's how you ask for it. When you go into a bodega [starts clapping hands]... You be like, "Papi [claps hands twice more], lemme get that chopped cheese!" Like that. That's what you do. If you come in like, "Ummmmm hi there... excuse me... yes, hi, do you guys make... this sandwich called a chopped cheese."
Mero: You're not gonna get the chopped cheese. And if they say they don't make it, they lying.
So what would I do there? Try again? Go to another bodega?
Desus: You be like, "C'mon Papi make me one." The only reason a bodega won't make you a chopped cheese is if they say the grill is off because they're cleaning it. That's literally the only reason a bodega in the Bronx won't. And also sometimes in the morning they switch the grill to make bacon, egg, and cheese and shit like that.
Yeah, I've hit the bodega late before and had to wait for the grill switch.
Desus: So yo, that's the best time to enjoy chopped cheese -- between 3am and 5am. When you're SMACKED. You can't even stand. You be like, "Yo, Papi! Throw four cheeses on that. Put the cat on it, I don't care!"
Mero: Put a 40 on it. Dump a 40 on it.
Desus: You be in love with Papi -- shit like, "Papi, I love you dawg." You'll be talking to him saying how he makes the best sandwiches. He's like a father.
Mero: And if you catch the afternoon switch, when they go from bacon, egg, and cheese to sandwiches and other shit. And you get that little bacon essence in your shit... that's it.
Desus: Make sure they don't change the grease. The older the grease at the bodega, the more flavor you'll get in your chopped cheese.
Mero: It sounds very unsanitary, but you know how they do the shhhhh BANG BANG and just scrape all the meat and grease on the grill?
Desus: Yup -- that's all the flavor in there. All the fat and MSG. Yo, I was in the bodega when this gentrifier was like, "Can you change the oil when you make the french fries?"
Desus: And everyone in the bodega... we just laughed and laughed.
Was it the same girl who snitched on the bodega cat on Yelp?
Desus: Was it her?! I think she might've been a nurse. We just let it go.
Is chopped cheese your hangover cure? Or do you try something else?
Desus: For a hangover, it's definitely a Gatorade and a chopped cheese. The Gatorade puts electrolytes and sugar back into your body, the chopped cheese, the fats absorb all the alcohol. I drink all the time. Constantly. AM/PM. I'm doin' that podcast while drinking. I'm drinking at work, I don't ever get hungover. It's not a problem like that.
Mero: For me, this is wild. I was out all night doin' illegal things and we go to the bodega real bright and early. It's me and my man JB. We go to the bodega, my man JB starts yellin' "Yo lemme get a bacon, egg, and cheese." We've been drinkin' and doing all types of wild shit all night. So we go there, and I'm just like wild rocky, hungover, feeling like trash... know what I'm saying? And I'm like, so yeah a bacon, egg, and cheese should do the trick. But you know a bacon, egg, and cheese always on a roll? My man JB with it like, "Yo, Papi. Yo, lemme get a bacon, egg, and cheese. Put that shit on a hero though."
Desus: Yo. You know that's too much bacon egg and cheese? You can't get a bacon, egg, and cheese on a hero. That's like when they built that tower in the bible too high and god was like "NAH!" He was like "A bacon, egg, and cheese on a hero?! I will smite you! How dare you! I will smash it down!"
Mero: But he did it and I was like, "Yo that's a great idea!" To me, that's a hangover banger, know what I'm saying? Plus, I just smoke so much weed that I don't get hangovers.
Desus: I'm the drinker, he's the smoker.