They employ lettuce as a topping
I don’t care if it’s a BLT slice with 96% bacon.
There's not at least two things each of: red pepper, Parmesan, garlic salt, and regular salt
When a slice is truly great, you don’t need any of these, but that’s for you to decide.
They charge you more on weekends
There's a place in the Lower East Side that does this. It’s B&T surge pricing, and it’s abominable. When I found out too late that the scam was on, I took my slice, grabbed a stack of about 150 napkins, made sure the guy was looking, said “oh, yeah???”, and slammed them into the garbage with tremendous gusto. It was like throwing away his money. Sketchily cut into my margins, and I’ll very transparently cut into yours. I do, In retrospect, sincerely apologize to the environment for my actions.
It is named Sbarro
You are not in the Orlando International Airport.
It is named Famous Famiglia
That name is a lie. It is in no way famous.
It is named Famous Original Ray's, or some variant thereof
Not even worth it for the Seinfeld jokes.
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Ben Robinson is Thrillist's Editorial Director, and will definitely eat shitty pizza, but will complain about it, at least somewhat. Follow him @BenjoRobinson.