As the pizza-iest place in the entire country, it stands to reason that New York City is home to plenty of horrendous slices -- the constant, consuming need for pizza in general dictates that someone will be dumb enough to buy them. Don’t be that someone. Read this helpful guide highlighting the warning signs of a Shitty Pizza Place, and save yourself, dammit.
NOTE: This article focuses strictly on classic New York slice joints, not fancy sit-down places. Additionally, dollar slice joints were not considered for this exercise; they’re very transparently designed to be shitty.
They have 20+ kinds of pies with wild-ass toppings, all lined up in the front window
These slices are all incredibly old. You do not want them.
They also sell, prominently, burgers, or teriyaki, or something else weird like that
Unbeknownst to most patrons, the bulk of pizza places also sell an array of heros, salads, pastas, etc. Many of these can actually be very delicious. But they should always be a hidden afterthought.
It says "New York Pizza" on the sign
This place's entire business plan centers on serving crap slices to authenticity-craving tourists who are trying not to eat too much Iowa-style pizza in between Sex and the City bus tours.