Police in New Jersey are after a man they said stuffed $105 worth of pork loin down his pants and ran out of a Sam's Club without paying for it, NJ.com reported. The suspect is still at large - America, hide your fine meats and foods before this maniac shoves them down his shorts!
The man, described as 5-foot-10 and about 30 to 40 years-old, reportedly threw one pork loin at a store employee's feet before dashing out of the store with a whole other pork loin in his pants, according to the report. Just let that sink in for a moment: the Pork Loin Bandit didn't put the meat in his pants to be sneaky, or to avoid notice. He deliberately made a show out of the thievin', but decided to run out of there with the loin in his pants anyway.
Who is this guy? Basically, the pork lifter could be anyone. Watch out, as he might pull some pork on you.
Is that a $105 of pork in your pants or are you just happy ... the jokes write themselves, but just know that stealing delicious pork is no laughing matter.
Tony Merevick is Cities News Editor at Thrillist and wonders how this guy was able to run away so easily with so much pork in his pants. Follow him on Twitter @tonymerevick.