In the snow/rain/bad weather: The idea of a moral quandary is, itself, a quandary to you. If someone tries to tell you Horatio Alger was a parable, you will argue vehemently, then email-bomb them with political thinkpieces from an Ayn Rand message board you frequent for months afterward. You LOVE the tipping scene from Reservoir Dogs.
Just because it’s hot outside: You live in a fourth-floor walkup on Broome Street. Every time you move, steamy garbage air creeps further into your nostrils. Wait, your vision just sorta flickered. Is it in your brain?! You secretly hope the dude bringing your gazpacho calls the DOH, but you have too much pride to do so yourself.
You get the soda/spring roll add-ons: You’ll always get the supplemental insurance on your car rental no matter how many times LifeHacker explains its redundancy. You’ve overdrawn your checking account approximately 72 times, usually to pay for extra legroom in economy. LifeHacker hates that, too. You sort of hate LifeHacker, except for that one piece on “How to avoid overdrawing your checking account”. So funny!
From the place directly next to your apartment: Get your lazy ass off the couch, man.
Dave Infante is an Editor for Thrillist Media Group, and heard “Piano Man” for the first time last night. Can you believe that?! Yes? Then follow him on Twitter @dinfontay.