Food & Drink

13 Colossal Portland Meals You'll Never Finish

Published On 04/15/2015 Published On 04/15/2015
DREW TYSON/THRILLIST

Even if you've already eaten all 11 of Portland's best sandwiches, or tried these sweet French fries, or if you weigh like, 350lbs, there's still no guarantee you'll be able to finish PDX's 13 most colossal meals, from almost impossible eating challenges to never-ending pita, and if you can finish, then you'll definitely end up over 350lbs. At least...

DREW TYSON/THRILLIST

The Dalise

Gravy (address and info)
Boise
We just covered this, so it goes without saying that you’ve already put Gravy and its ridiculously sized Dalise omelette on your to-eat list. If you weren’t paying attention, we’ll recap: what must be a half-dozen egg omelet filled with bacon, sausage, ham, sweet peppers, mushrooms, onions, and cheddar cheese is smothered with sausage gravy. Bring a friend.

Sayler's Old Country Kitchen

The 72oz Steak Challenge

Sayler's Old Country Kitchen (address and info)
Hazelwood
Since its inception in 1948, and right though popular movie references to getting totally dominated by professional eaters, this particular challenge has had us captivated. And why not? It’s an impressive undertaking few have dared and fewer have conquered. You just have to ask yourself, is a free meal worth it?

Flickr/Khánh Hmoong

Pho Challenge 

Pho Tango (address and info)
Hillsboro
Another popular eating feat, Pho Tango offers the Pho Challenge. If you can manage to eat 2lbs of rice noodles, 1lb of meat (your choice), plus traditional garnishes in under an hour, you’ll get the meal for free and a photo on the Wall of Fame! Lose, however, and you get to spend thirty bucks and get your photo on the Wall of Shame.

Helvetia Tavern

Jumbo Burger

Helvetia Tavern (address and info)
Hillsboro
A rustic burger spot known for its Jumbo Burgers, which have not only become a local favorite, but also a national one. With two patties, American cheese, special sauce, and traditional toppings nestled between two halves of a soft, sesame bun, it’s also one of the biggest dishes in town.

Urban Farmer Portland

Tomahawk Ribeye

Urban Farmer (address and info)
Downtown
What happens when a restaurant with its own butchery program gets in whole cows? You get steaks cut to whatever damn size you want. And Urban Farmer’s Chef Matt Christianson likes his rib eyes the proper size -- and with the whole rib attached! These steaks range in size and can be upwards of 40oz. But there’s no prize for eating this on your own, and it’s encouraged to share.

Flickr/Jodi Bart

Fried Chicken and Waffles

Screen Door (address and info)
Kerns
It should be no surprise that one of the best Southern restaurants outside the South also has one some of the largest portions. The biggest, and best, dish on its menu comes at brunch. Sure, you’ll have to wait in line but we promise this is worth it. Three chicken breasts coated in a well seasoned buttermilk butter perched atop a sweet potato waffle that’s fluffy despite the impaled meat dwarfing it. It's easily the best chicken and waffles in the Pacific Northwest.

DREW TYSON/THRILLIST

Unlimited pita and enormous portions

Nicholas Restaurant (address and info)
Eastside Industrial
We’ve been touting this little gem that’s been feeding the Eastside Industrial neighborhood since before it was cool. It might be the best Lebanese food in the city, a crown that, admittedly, isn’t frequently challenged, but it’s definitely the most food per dollar spent. Even though it recently went through an expansion and remodel, losing the cheapest way to get two meals in one (RIP Falafel Delight), there’re still plenty of options like Stephen’s Beef (or Chicken) Shawarma, a heavily saffroned rice dish topped with what’s most likely half an animal.

Flickr/Sho Ito

Mancakes

Stepping Stone Cafe (address and info)
Alphabet District
It should be no surprise that one of the Northwest’s best breakfast spots is home to the largest stack of pancakes this side of the Mississippi. They’ve been featured on Man v. Food and been the neighborhood go-to hangover cure since the '80s. Although all of the portions are large, 13in “mancakes” are definitely the largest.

DREW TYSON/THRILLIST

Deli Sandwich Challenge

Mad Greek Deli (address and info)
Buckman
It should be no surprise that a place that sells deep-fried wedges the size of André the Giant’s fingers also has the most ridiculous sandwich we’ve ever seen. Their challenge? A 24in sandwich, a pound of those aforementioned “Greek fries,” and a 32oz soda. Good luck.

Flickr/Trevor Dykstra

Anything

Big-Ass Sandwiches (address and info)
Buckman
We say order anything because we can’t think of any other restaurant or food cart that takes such pride in making big ass sandwiches. Part of the allure? They do what you used to after “taking a drive” with your friends in high school: stuff french fries inside a ‘wich! And since they’re putting out some of Portland’s best fries, you know it’s going to be good.

DREW TYSON/THRILLIST

Never-ending broth

Hot Pot City (address and info)
Downtown
If you’re not familiar with Hot Pot, the gist is this: choose your broth, and while the waiter prepares it, you head over to the buffet of “fresh” ingredients. Choose from spinach and baby bok choy, to frozen wontons and slices of marinated pork. Head back to your seat where a small stockpot is sitting on an induction burner and start making soup. Occasionally someone comes by to fill your pot of boiling stock. Eat until satisfied.

DREW TYSON/THRILLIST

Anything covered in gravy

TILT (address and info)
Pearl District
When we first covered TILT's Downtown expansion we said, “these guys put pork and bacon gravy on everything” and we meant it. Sometimes there’s a bit of hyperbole when a new restaurant opens, but Tilt puts its money where its mouth is. They have one of our favorite cheesesteaks AND you can get it covered in gravy!

DREW TYSON/THRILLIST

Presidential Schnitzelwich

Tábor (address and info)
Downtown
Of course one of Portland’s best sandwiches is also one of its biggest meals. You get the option of breaded and fried pork or chicken, but since we’re talking about biggest meals forget about your arteries for a second and go with the pork. Plus, the Presidential comes with Munster.

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1. Gravy 3957 N Mississippi Ave, Portland, OR 97227

Let’s get this out of the way first: the best thing at Gravy, surprisingly, isn’t the gravy. But, that shouldn’t keep you from going because this trendy little joint on Mississippi happens to make some of the biggest and best omelettes and scrambles not only in town, but also probably the entire West Coast. If you’re going for the first time try The Dalise, an obscene combination of bacon, sausage, ham, sweet peppers, mushrooms, onions, and cheddar cheese, all smothered with sausage gravy.

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2. Sayler's Old Country Kitchen 10519 SE Stark St, Portland, OR 97216

Since its inception in 1948, Sayler's has been serving great steak, including one that's 72oz!

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3. Pho Tango 22139 NW Imbrie Dr, Portland, OR 97124

This resto specializes in Vietnamese beef noodle soup, as well as other noodle dishes. There's also a pho challenge that'll really put you to the test!

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4. Helvetia Tavern 10275 NW Helvetia Rd, Hillsboro, OR 97124

The 20-minute drive out to Oregon's wine country might not sound worth it for a burger, but that hasn't stopped people from all over the state (and country) from making the trek just for a bite of their famous Jumbo Burgers. The rustic, string-bulb-lit bar surprisingly doles out simple creations that look less like Portland's usual artisan suspects and more like something you'd get at a drive-thru window -- two greasy patties, American cheese, special sauce, and traditional toppings nestled between two halves of a soft, sesame bun. It's utterly massive, but that's nothing a cold draft beer can't help wash down.

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5. Urban Farmer 525 SW Morrison St, Portland, OR 97204 (Downtown)

An actual sustainably sound restaurant (not just another trend-follower...), Urban Farmer boasts "barrel to bar" drinks, beef-cut options that will make you pound your chest, and sides like Asparagus and Lefse (asparagus and what?), which consists of crème fraîche, confit lemon, and dill. It's located on the 8th floor atrium of the Nines Hotel and is open daily for breakfast, lunch, happy hour and dinner. There's also a popular weekend brunch complete with a Bloody Mary bar.

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6. Screen Door 2337 E Burnside St, Portland, OR 97214 (Kerns)

Screen Door knows Southern cookin', modeling their menu off of such spots as South Carolina Lowcountry and Cajun flavors from New Orleans. What's more, their meals are made with local organic produce and meats to ensure you appreciate the food as much as they do.

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7. Nicholas Restaurant 318 SE Grand Ave, Portland, OR 97214 (Se Portland)

Nicholas Restaurant specializes in Middle Eastern and Lebanese fare and has been serving Portland since it opened its doors in 1986.

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8. Stepping Stone Cafe 2390 NW Quimby St, Portland, OR 97210 (Nob Hillalphabet Dist)

Behind the battered red door of this hole-in-the-wall eatery lies some of the tastiest burgers and brunch specials in the Alphabet district.

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9. Mad Greek Deli 1740 E Burnside St, Portland, OR 97214 (Buckman)

This Buckman shop serves up Greek fries and spiced-up fried chicken.

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10. Big-Ass Sandwiches 304 SE 2nd Ave, Portland, OR 97214 (Buckman)

Big-Ass Sandwiches delivers on their promise, loading bread bombs with a mountain of meat before cramming French fries for good measure.

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11. Hot Pot City 1975 SW 1st Ave Ste J, Portland, OR 97201 (Downtown)

If you’re not familiar with Hot Pot, the gist is this: choose your broth, and while the waiter prepares it you can head over to the buffet of “fresh” ingredients. Choose from spinach and baby bok choy along with frozen wontons and slices of marinated pork. Head back to your seat where a small stockpot is sitting on an induction burner and start making soup. Occasionally someone comes by to fill your pot of boiling stock. Eat until satisfied.

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12. TILT 1355 NW Everett St, Portland, OR 97217 (Pearl District)

Tilt's self-proclaimed blue-collar cuisine is surprisingly more upmarket than you'd think -- the best handcrafted burgers in Portland are fresh beef patties on three-layer buns with global inspiration like the Carne Jefe with avocado and jalapenos and the pastrami-based Koolakofsky. Hand-carved sandwiches and homemade pies are made in-house and offer up an experience somewhere between a diner, a dive bar, and a five-star bistro.

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13. Tábor SW 5th and Stark, Portland, OR 97204 (Downtown)

The Original Schnitzelwich comes from a small wooden food cart on the corner of 5th and Alder in Downtown Portland. Its Czech owners have been perfecting this sandwich for ten years now, coming up with the perfect ratio of breaded pork loin (or chicken breast), romaine, paprika spread, sautéed onions, and creamy horseradish on a dense ciabatta.

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