Because a round-up of the most sensible salads Portlanders ate in 2013 wouldn’t be nearly as much fun, we decided to take a look back at the most exciting, heart-stopping fatness that graced PDX's plates/palates during the past year. Not surprisingly, beef, bacon, and fried lobster(?) were heavily involved...
Chili Dog Castle Cauldron, Southwest Approximate Calorie Count: 526 Posted up in the Central Eastside Food Carts pod, CC does deliciously meaty American eats in the form of brisket-y chili (either mild or chipotle), which you can have on its own, Frito Pie-style, or on this gigantic hot dog.
Pulled-Pork Sandwich Crown Q BBQ, Concordia Approximate Calorie Count: 636 Crown's created a hybridized Texas/NOLA-style of Q that apparently resulted in unnaturally delicious edibles like chicken-fried bacon and enormous burgers like this pulled-pork beauty dripping w/ sauce & slaw.
Pork Ribs Church, Hollywood Approximate Calorie Count: 680 This wood-heavy eat/drink spot may be stuffed with faith-related objects (a reclaimed confessional, pictures of holy figures like... um, Mel Gibson?), but it's serving some glimmering craft cocktails and a sinfully good menu of deep-fried and barbecued flesh, including these locally sourced pork ribs w/ a generous helping of house-consecrated BBQ sauce.
Kentucky Breakfast Bungalo Bar, Mississippi Approximate Calorie Count: 964 Decked out with Christmas lights and a fire pit right by the sidewalk -- which they presumably use to burn anyone who suggests that Christmas lights are supposed to be taken down after January -- BB serves craft cocktails and burgers in a laid-back Mississippi Ave house where they also do a few things that aren't burgers, like this Kentucky Breakfast, which consists of a shot of bourbon after kicking your cousin out of bed a huge hunk of fried chicken, chunky sausage gravy, and maple syrup.
The Monstrosity Brunch Box, Downtown Approximate Calorie Count: 1014 This food cart-turned-actual-restaurant's name belies its ambition to stuff PDX with ridiculous bovine meatwiches like The Monstrosity: double-beef, double-bacon & double-cheese stuffed between double-grilled cheese sandwiches that serve as buns.
Frank's Fried Lobster Quartet, South Waterfront Approximate Calorie Count: 1101 This spot boasts a gigantic, mostly glass dining room providing panoramic views of the Willamette, in which they're serving ultra-high-end eats, including a behemoth crustacean that's called Frank's Fried Lobster. And Frank is apparently effing awesome, since he decided to dip a full tail in batter, fry it, and plop it on a mound of polenta.
Fried Chicken & Cornbread Bistro Marquee, Downtown Approximate Calorie Count: 1211 Named not for legendary rapper Biz but for the glowing signs that dominate the Theater District, Downtown's Bistro Marquee does badass Southern eats, like this beautiful bone-in fried chicken that's brined in sweet tea before getting breaded and fried, then served up in a mini skillet w/ cornbread baked into the bottom.
Meaty Deep-Dish Via Chicago, Alberta Arts Approximate Calorie Count: 1410 When this place says they're "Chicago-inspired", they don't mean they got the idea to open a pizza place from Peter Cetera, they mean they're serving the area's only deep-dish pies -- tasty, cornmeal-y monsters packed with hunks of spicy sausage the size of golf balls, gigantic pepperoni slices, prosciutto, and meatballs.