Remember that time you went to that mansion in The Mission where that guy who used to work at Gary Danko butchered that entire goat while you sipped on flights of mezcal cocktails and pummeled pinatas and a mariachi band (wait, where'd they come from?) serenaded everyone and you talked to some cute blonde chick (wait, where'd she come from??) about how this was the first time either of you had had tequila-braised octopus?
Oh wait, no, that wasn't you! That was the guy who had been to one of SF's seven secretest supper clubs (which we've kindly listed out for you below, along with how to join every single one).