As Sitting Bull once famously said, "Behold, my friends, the Spring is come; the earth has gladly received the embraces of the sun, and we shall soon see the results of their love... plus a list of 25 awesome things to do in SF this season, courtesy of Thrillist!" To wit...
This Pizza Is so Spicy Only 12 People Have Finished It
Hit Beretta's Birthday Party: On April 1st, they celebrate five years with an all-night cocktail & pizza extravaganza. Afterwards, stop by Photobooth to take a tintype that will make you look like you just turned 150yrs old.
Knock Out Boxing Room: Hit all of their Beer Dinners, featuring farm-fresh Southern-inspired cuisine and: Oregon's Ninkasi Brewing Company (March 19), San Jose's Almanac (April 16), and Fort Bragg's North Coast (May 21).
Skinny Dip at Chambers Eat + Drink: Do it during May 16th's ArtPadSF's SECA Art Award preview show, and say it's a performance piece.
See Green at Bluestem Brasserie: Watch the St. Patrick's Day Parade from one of the few Market St. terraces where you can also eat/drink. Eat the Bluestem Burger. Drink green beer made with your own food coloring because this place is classy and won't have non-beer-colored beer. Take care to admire the new mural from Jessica Schwartz, an artist who awesomely believes that she has seven tiny souls inside her, including ones named “Dr. Wilmur Tourniquet” and “Borage von Klumptervamp”. Not kidding. Photo by Angie Silvy
Go the Cheap Route at Exploratorium: The $100,000 tables at their pre-opening gala are sold out, leaving you no choice but to hit their free April 17th opening day outdoor program, which officially opens at 10a with “a distinctly Exploratorium ribbon-cutting ceremony”, and keeps the futuristic culture coming 'til 10p, with a distinctly Exploratorium “Sir, you can't sleep on the digital installation”.
Double Feature at Foreign Cinema: Right now, they're screening Escape from Alcatraz. On March 25th, they're switching over to the exact opposite movie, Rushmore. These are both so, so much better than the bleak, January-February Winter run of Gérard Depardieu and Gisèle Casadesus in My Afternoons with Margueritte.
Doggedly Tour All the Jack London Square Newness: Start by getting red at The Forge (with pizza slathered in this sauce, and Heretic Beer's Evil Twin Red), then end the tour with some oldness: trying to fit through the tiny door at Heinold's. Good luck.
Sunday Funday with Golden Gate BrewTours: GGBT's new Sunday Funday excursions start mercifully later than their regular runs (1230p Union Square pickup), and take in two breweries + a beer bar. They're running them once a month -- starting with April 7th's Drake's/Pyramid/Cafe Royale trek -- but'll increase that to once a week if the tour gets popular and employers get more forgiving about Monday Blehday.
Pig Out at Hogs & Rocks: Invite five friends to join you at “SF's first ham and oyster bar” (why not “the world's”? Is there one of these in Toledo or something?). Make sure two of the invitees hate each other. Pre-order The Feast, the only four-courser brave enough to start with lardo and end with whipped cream. When the two people who hate each other storm out of the restaurant in a rage, you and your three mature friends will have The Feast + bourbon & champagne punch to yourselves at a considerable discount, provided the two ditchers pony up when you complain about them sticking you with the bill and "more food than you could possibly eat".
Be Debased By Improv Against Humanity: “Endorsed” by Cards Against Humanity, this “Improv show for horrible people” starts tomorrow and runs through March 9th. It's at Stage Werx, who also showcased Naked Dudes Reading Lovecraft, so it has to be good.
Create a Lucky Dog at the North Beach Festival: Take a contestant from June 22nd's Sonoma-Marin Fair World's Ugliest Dog Contest to June 15th & 16th's Blessing of the Animals at the North Beach Festival. Then place a bet on that dog, obviously with the intention of donating the proceeds to the contest's rescue-animal mission. How could this go wrong?
Hustle at Off The Grid: Picnic at the Presidio: Every Wednesday at noon, and on most weekends by appointment, the San Francisco Lawn Bowling Club offers free lessons, provided you wear flat-soled shoes instead of heels. Do this, then pull a Paul Newman on the Picnic's best bocce player, aka whatever weirdo actually brought his own balls.
Business-Expense Saison: Celebrate their reopening by opening up your employer's wallet. Try to keep the bill over $300.
Crash a Wedding at Sam's Chowder House: If possible, make it a wedding catered with their Lobster Clambake (you know, wooden steamer box on a bed of hot coals packed with fresh whole Maine lobster, clams, mussels, red potatoes, fresh corn on the cob, and Andouille sausage, layered w/ seaweed blankets -- way better than a Clam Clambake). They've refurbed the back patio with heat lamps and more seats, so there'll be more places for you to be cozy/unobtrusive.
Actually Get into the SF International Beer Festival: Tickets go on sale March 15th, 10a. They say they sold out last year in 30mins, but it was really more like five.
Tower over Ssisso: During April they're running a Giants game-day special featuring a beer tower (choice of OB/Hite/Asahi/Sapporo) + soy garlic-glazed fried chicken wings for $39.95. Try to finish a tower before Matt Cain gets a strikeout.
Dominate Surf Spot's Luau: Eat many handfuls of kalua pork from their imu (underground oven), have a tawdry affair with their new cocktail, the Spring Fling (it has lemon verbena from their garden in it, and, more importantly, gin), consider recreating the Top Gun volleyball scene, then dismiss the idea because that scene was all chiseled dudes and you're now fatter than Kilmer. Instead, order their new regular menu dish: grilled Devil's Gulch lamb rack with lamb shank confit, spring onion, barley, fiddlehead ferns, english peas, mint puree, and rhubarb chutney.
Give & Get with Tacolicious: They're hoping to raise $15k at this year's charitable, live band- & tequila-fueled “Hecho en San Francisco” Cinco de Mayo bash, meaning you might have to eat $5k worth of tacos, tostadas, and tamales yourself. Fortunately they're also offering tamale-making demos, so you'll save $5k this year rolling your own at home.
Paint the Trick Dog Red and Also Other Colors: Over the course of however long it takes, make it through Trick Dog's entire Pantone Cocktail Menu. If you cannot accomplish this, just order a cosmo or an appletini, because you are a Samantha.
Bust Your Rut at Whiskies of the World: The April 6th brown liquor smorgasbord will feature a single malt from Bangalore called Amrut, which is “nurtured by the waters of the Himalayas”. If you really want an adventurous Spring, you can sign up for Amrut's distillery tour, but only after answering their amazing “are you human?” web-form question, “Moon is red or white?”.
Try Not to Tear Both ACLs at House of Air: Dodgeball leagues start March 19th and May 21st. If you're more of a solo pseudo-athlete, try to master their two newest features: the Trampoline Wall, where you pretty much launch into a wall and bounce off of it, and the Airbag, or, as they're calling it, “the pillow of your extreme sporting dreams”.
Make the Egg Come First at Marlowe: Thrillist asked Anna Weinberg what she'd give someone who spent $500 in Marlowe gift certificates exclusively on her deviled eggs -- which are topped with pickled jalapenos, Niman Ranch bacon & melted Provolone. Guess what? She said she'd give you a chicken! (Not specified: whether the chicken would be dinner or a pet.)
Chomp, Swig at Chomp N' Swig's New Sunday Brunch: Breakfast burritos, chicken fried steak, biscuits & gravy, and $14 bottomless Mimosas. This doesn't sound terrible.
Public House: Before smuggling the good stuff through their private ballpark gate, take down their new brunch, featuring poached eggs w/ chorizo over grits, and pulled pork waffles. They're also adding two more TVs, giving you a total of 28 reasons to just watch the game in the bar.
Complete the Cocktail Punch List: Why choose between accomplishing stuff and libations when you can knock out both at once? Goal: See a Classic Band Before They Check into Golden Acres Drink:Alembic's Shine On You Crazy Diamond, the London dry morning cocktail garnished with something crazier than Syd Barrett: a cinnamon-toast crouton. Goal: Read More History Books Drink:Slanted Door's Remember The Maine. Nobody knows what really sunk her, but everyone will know 'twas the rye whiskey that sunk you. Goal: Break up with Your Significant Other in Time for Summer Drink:Beretta's bourbon/Averna Lone Wolf. God you're cool. Goal: Take Boxing Lessons Drink:Jasper's Corner Tap's Haymaker. Humility is an underrated quality in a boxer, and nothing's more humiliating than getting knocked flat by something with chai tea in it. Goal: Advance Science Drink:Elixer's Hollinger Manhattan Project. The absinthe rinse is probably not what keeps this thing from blowing up in your face. Goal: Find Religion/Meet Arnold Schwarzenegger Drink:Wo Hing General Store's End Of Days. House hot chocolate of cocoa, cinnamon, orgeat, vanilla, cayenne, Casa Noble reposado tequila, Combier marshmallows. Guest-starring Kevin Pollak. Goal: Spend More Time Hanging with Mr. Cooper Drink:Armory Club's Mr. Cooper. That dude always loved barrel-aged white whiskey cocktails. ... Traveling this Spring? Check out Thrillist's guides to Los Angeles and New York.