In just seven short days, you will no longer speak fondly of "the most above-average day of your life", because Friday, June 21st will be the Best Day of your Life: a day in which you hang out with Thrillist, eating, drinking, and generally running amok in the grandest sort of way.
Follow the itinerary below and people will feel compelled to ply you with things, like gratis coffee at Founding Farmers, deeply discounted drinks at The Coffee Bar, and other things that don't even have anything to do with coffee. So 1) download the itinerary, 2) practice your best "I just had my appendix out" voice to get the day off, 3) check out all the social action here, and 4) prepare for your life to be irrevocably altered.
6:00 am: Roll over, look your Japanese body pillow girlfriend in the eyes, and let her know: "Hey gorgeous, it's gonna be the Best Day of My Life." Don't get upset like normal when she doesn't react.
Jacked & Tan O'Clock: Max out at your gym on the elliptical at level four for like, 15 to 20mins TOPS. Head home nodding and 'suping ALL babes you come in contact with. Don't tell your Japanese body pillow girlfriend, because she wouldn't understand.
Triple S: Do your business, shower, and shave. Hey, guy, it's a big day; let's look your best.
Morning Pick-Me-Up: Crew up at the bike share, and then ride out like a badass gang of, um, bike thugs. Stop in at Filter for a cup o' caffeine, or, if that's full, head over to M.E. Swing and dominate a latte. No soy for you today, you already took your fast-acting Lactaid!!! Closer to Adams Morgan? Snag a seat at Tryst, our Readers’ Choice.
Breakfast: Pedal West on G and up 19th and take a seat in Founding Farmers for chicken and waffles. If that's packed, head to Wicked Waffle for their chicken waffle sandwich. Either way, you're crushing waffles. Happen to be in Woodley Park? Hit our Readers’ pick, Open City.
Post-Breakfast Knowledge Bath: Head South over to Foggy Bottom and park it there to relax your burning quads and load up on knowledge by scoping all the essentials: CQ, Roll Call, Tiger Beat, and Politico.
Late AM: Cruise around the Lincoln Memorial and reflecting pool, scoping as much tourist talent as humanly possible. Wink a ton. Who needs a Japanese body pillow girlfriend now?!?
12:30 pm: Park it at the tidal basin and daydream of dropping water balloons all over those pedal-boating dummies.
Lunchers: Head over to Boqueria for a sangria and some tapas. Take it easy though, guy, you've got a big day ahead. Buuuut, if that's too crowded, head over to DGS Delicatessen for a choice sandwich and brew.
Post-Lunchers: Burn some of those tapas off by cycling East on L St, dodging cars, and stop by JR Cigar to pick up a few stogies. It's your day; you should burn one down. That's also a Ben Harper song.
Mid-Day: 14th Street is calling, so mosey on North to Stoney's patio for a beer and pretty-people watching
Get A Base: As the night will probably be lively, find comfort in tacos from EL Centro DF.
8:31 pm: Walk a few doors down, ignoring that text from your body pillow GF, and end the most glorious day of your life by taking in the sunset and a few giant mugs of beer at The Standard. Get here early, and we’ll be paying the tab until it runs out. You deserve it, you handsome devil. Closer to Penn Quarter? Well, our Readers’ pick, Poste, is a grand place to end the night, too.