18 Mistakes You’re Making at DC Restaurants

Eating seems simple enough. Get food, bring to mouth, chew, swallow, repeat. No problem, right? WRONG! Here are 18 common DC restaurant mistakes you’re probably making.

No one will judge if you knife and fork your way through this beast, especially if you’re wearing something stupid like seersucker. The tall stack has two patties, Gouda, avocado, charred red onions, sweet chili sauce, dill pickles, arugula, garlic aioli, a duck egg, and chicken liver pate.

Same-day reservations went out the window when we started kicking ass at food in the past few years. People come here just to eat now, so plan ahead. That being said, you can now use RESY and pay for a coveted primetime reservation.

Stopping short of the most authentic Lao cuisine at Thip Khao is like folding with a pocket pair. Of aces. Test your strength by ordering the “extremely spicy papaya salad” or a dish containing pork-blood cakes.
 

The Japanese restaurant expounds upon its quirky personality by being closed on a super-random day of the week.

You’ve already asked for your grilled cheese to arrive as a super grilled cheese with bacon, tomato, and onion. Now drop “Freddy style” ensuring they’ll also stuff it with chicken tenders.
 

Or because you’re confusing it with Panda Express. It may well be the best Chinese within the borders of the District. Peter Chang has jurisdiction over Maryland and Virginia. So go ahead and drive to the Days Inn and order mapo tofu.

A beer? What are you THINKING? Trust us, you want a boozy slushie. No one will think you’re a kid with a sippy cup because the seasonal drinks are sophisticated. We like this summery/spa-like concoction containing cucumber, white pepper, manzanilla sherry, gin, and basil.
 

The before shot looks like food porn, the after shot looks like cat food. Do the right thing!

The loaded vegetarian bowl is the best, so don’t skip it just because pork has its own level on your personal food pyramid. Also don’t forget to pay a little extra for an egg on top.  
 

You were supposed to meet your friends for gourmet grilled cheese at GCDC but you ended up at DBGB, GBD, GRK, DGS, or STK. By the time you can correct your error, your friends will be finished with their poutine tots.

Be a breadwinner by ordering a G by Mike Isabella sandwich at the ballpark instead of a soggy hot dog. More specifically you want the Italian hoagie.
 

The only person that can waltz into Little Serow, Rose’s Luxury, and sometimes Toki Underground is the president. And maybe Bono, but we can’t be sure. Complaining about waiting in said lines is also passé.

These guys make the best BBQ in the city. Don’t ruin it by grabbing one of the four wall-facing seats and attempting to eat brisket in a space hotter than a tanning bed in hell. Take it to go and pray that bigger location opens soon.
 

Pacing is more important than anything else at this Thai gem. If you consume sticky rice and the first six courses without restraint, there’s no chance you’ll have real estate for pork ribs marinated in Mekhong whiskey.

The super-fast sushi spot that uses Japanese technology to roll and wrap maki is a solid B+ unless you hit the sauce bar which takes it to an A. That’s because you can sub standard soy sauce for Sriracha mayo, yuzu mayo, or other creamy, caloric awesomesauce.
 

Be very afraid of the phrase, “Come live the dream, one cocktail at a time on any Wednesday! No experience necessary.” It’s hard enough to get a drink there when professionals are behind the stick.

We’re confident no one else dares to run amaro down the side of a mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwich, creating the potential for your sexiest selfie to date.

You don’t need a pie topped with anchovies, cockles, or polpettine at 2 Amys, though they’re offered. Stay true to the three simplistic pies that have D.O.C (Denominazione di Origine Controllata) status. This basically means Italy gives the marinara, margherita, and margherita-extra pizzas official stamps of approval.

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