The best week of the year isn’t the one between Christmas and New Year’s—it’s Shark Week. Ever since 1988, when the Discovery Channel first blessed us with seven full days of sharks, sharks and more sharks, we have marked our calendars, cancelled plans and ignored obligations so that we don’t miss a drop of seal’s blood being spilled at the hungry jaws of a Great White. The only way to make the week of sharp-toothed programming more fun is with a drink in hand and someone telling you when to take a sip.
This Shark Week, grab a blood red Cape Codder and play along with our Shark Week drinking game.
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Take a sip:
Every time there’s an Australian accent.
Every time you see a shark jump out of the water.
Every time you see someone wearing a puka shell or shark tooth necklace.
Every time there’s a musical allusion to Jaws.
Whenever anyone calls any area a real “hotspot.”
Whenever you see chum or hear the word “chum.”
Every time there’s a close up of a shark eye.
Take a big gulp:
Every time there’s unnecessary subtitles for someone with a totally understandable accent.
Every time you see CG anything.
Every time there’s a celebrity cameo.
Any time anyone talks about how awesome or high-tech a cage is.
If anyone makes a shark pun—including in your own home.
Whenever someone wearing a clearly homemade sleeveless shirt appears on screen.
Finish your drink:
Whenever there’s a reenactment that doesn’t show the actual shark.
If there’s any mention of a megalodon still possibly being alive in the deepest parts of the ocean.
Any time someone puts their own life in actual danger for the enjoyment of viewers.