Lifestyle

Don't be these 12 Amsterdam tourists

Speaking for the people of Amsterdam, we have some things we’d like to get off our collective chest. We love our tourists most of the time, and we know how important you are to the vibrancy and economic growth of the city... but sometimes it's like there's a big neon sign above the skyline saying "assholes welcome". These are the people who answer that call:

1. The idiot asking for hard drugs in a coffee shop
You are the reason drug laws get changed.

2. The Goldmember over-quoter
Shmoke and a shut the hell up?

3. The guy who clearly wants to get robbed
It’s the only way to explain the fact they’re stoned, lost, and stumbling down a back alley they think is near their hotel. Anyway, aren’t you supposed to be like, hyper-paranoid by now?

4. Person who can’t handle their weed
It’s a little stronger than back home, huh? And No. Your hands are not turning into lobsters.

5. Person who can’t handle their weed very very publicly and in the middle of the street
If you don’t move out of the way of the traffic, your hands may soon resemble lobsters. 

6. The American pretending to be Canadian
Your flag-jacking fools no one!

7. The person who never leaves the Red Light District
... And yet they go home, and claim they’ve really “seen Europe”.

8. The obnoxious bachelor party
What great costumes! You truly are modern-day Vikings. In that everybody wishes you had stayed home.

9. The bike path deer in the headlights
Get. Out. Of. The. Way.

10. The “wild pisser”
Unbeknownst to most tourists, unless you’re a customer, the bars & restos will literally charge you to to use the facilities. The result? The Dutch have a new synonym for asshole (“wild pisser”), they set up “pee deflectors” in alley corners, and there’s more urine in the canal that there is canal.

11. The pot paraphernalia poser
Is that a cannabis leaf on your clothes? What a statement! You’re like a regular Bob Marley, if he was a complete idiot. 

12. The wannabe paparazzi
Taking random photos of people in the street just makes them want to kill you. Taking random photos of women in the Red Light District makes them legitimately try.