Does your Atlanta neighborhood suck?
One of the great things about Atlanta’s confusing urban sprawl is that you’re in a new neighborhood every few blocks... err, every few hours in this F**KIN' TRAFFIC! But look on the bright side, at least you've got plenty of time to ponder all the great things about each of our city's little enclaves, or the not-so-great things, like these:
Who wouldln't want to live here? Every single house, apartment, etc. is charming, meticulously clean... and completely unaffordable unless you work for Ted Turner or are a bartender at Blake's. Seriously, besides the housing prices, the only thing wrong with Midtown is all the people who... ugh... work for Ted Turner, or sling drinks at Blake's.
You never have to worry about getting to a Falcons game or a concert at Philips. But you, and all your friends, and anyone who comes to visit, do have to worry about PARKatlanta putting a shiny yellow boot on your car. But hey, at least then you'll be about as mobile as the people in Falcons' run game.
You thought it'd be fun living this close to the park, but you never counted on all the people using the park to have fun with ladies... or "ladies"... of the night. If that shrub's a-rockin’, definitely don’t go a-knockin’.
Hey, did you know one of the nation's best zoos is in your neighborhood? Well all of the children in all of the yellow school busses, and all of the tourists, and all of the other 2,000,000 visitors that make it almost impossible to drive to your house sure did!
Do you have a net worth of $1,353,189, or drive a white Land Rover, have a country club membership, or a graduate degree from an SEC school (not Florida!)? No? Then you probably don't actually live in the South's second richest 'hood. But you can still do what we do and hit up all the sweet places to eat and drink they have there.
What do a diverse mix of dingy bars, a smattering of affordable shops and restaurants, and one of the city's best farmer's markets ad up to? Yup, more hipsters than you can shake a vintage, handmade stick at. Just not quite enough to displace all the crime along that dimly lit stretch of Flat Shoals where you parked your car.
Castleberry Hill has supposedly been gentrifying for decades now... can you hurry up, please?!
During the week, you've got quiet streets, green space, and the opportunity to make your lawn look gorgeous... and like a really good place for people out drinking on Fridays and Saturdays to pass out. Or worse.
Little Five Points
Attention people over 25, you don't actually have to live in this oddly shaped enclave of Bohemian culture and DIY capitalism, you can totally just stop by Java Lords and Aurora Coffee on your way to what everyone who does live here is trying to avoid: work.
Ah, a quiet oasis in the middle of the city with great restaurants, where it’s actually safe to walk the streets at night. Err, wait, you mean the rest of the city wasn’t supposed to know about this? Great, now you’ve got to move, or at least leave during the weekends, because all the OTP-ers who just learned about Barcelona and Parish are totally gonna block your driveway.
Living in a “planned” community means there are shops, restaurants, and theaters right outside your front door, which happens to look exactly like every other front door. Exactly. So we've got a new plan that involves... uh, living somewhere else?.
Old 4th Ward
Now that bars are sprouting up and down Edgewood, people finally have a reason to experience the character and tradition of this “historic” 'hood. The problem is that it's "traditionally" also a really good place to score illegal drugs. Thanks, history.
Yes, yes, we know we missed some others. So tell us what people are saying about any/ all of those places behind their backs in the comments section below.