The 24 Worst Decisions You Can Make in Atlanta
There’re a lot of really good things you can do in every ‘hood in Atlanta, but for every sweet drinking spot in Buckhead, there’s a terrible idea right around the corner. Hopefully this guide will prevent you from making any one of these terrible, awful rookie moves:
1. Falling asleep on MARTA
Unless you really don't like those shoes, you should probably stay awake... and make use of Thrillist's BAR-TA while you're at it.
2. Taking a MARTA bus
It might seem like a good idea to grab the #74 from Five Points to East Atlanta, but only if you enjoy waiting for it with the guy selling individual liquor bottles on the street, and maybe the Metro Mall cop.
3. Getting on 285 any time after 4pm
4. Using Greyhound
There’s a reason the bus station is located next to the jail and one of the country’s most notorious strip clubs.
5. Getting the Frosted Orange at The Varsity
Stick to the chili dogs. They’re oh-so-delicious.
6. Standing by the stage at the Peach Drop
It’s a sardine can, and you don’t need to be all the way up front to appreciate Luda.
7. Testing PARKatlanta
Don’t step to them, because they will nail you if your meter’s over by a millisecond.
8. Dating someone OTP
Yeah, this really isn't gonna work out... unless you like driving to Villa Rica on a regular basis.
9. Taking a picture in Clermont Lounge
10. Going to one of the strip clubs that're open until 7am
It might sound fun to have coffee and eggs with a naked person, but don’t say you weren’t warned.
11. Starting a rap career
There are way more people here who are doing it way better than you are.
12. Buying that home made “jewelry” from the kids in Little Five Points
You don't need to fund a trustafarian's “spirit journey."
13. Using those weird bathrooms at Piedmont Park
You don’t want to be a part of what happened in there.
14. Racing the new streetcar
It is large, and eventually it will win.
15. Trusting in an Atlanta sports team
The Hawks are getting our hopes up. They better not hurt us.
16. Calling it the “Beltline Kroger”
We aren’t fans of shiny corporate “rebranding," so you will always be “Murder Kroger” to us.
17. Going to Athens on a game weekend
The allure of being among some of the great college bars on a home game Saturday might seem idyllic, but it is fraught with peril. Legions of aggro fans will make it impossible for you to get a drink, much less enjoy the classic city.
18. Going out in Buckhead after an SEC game
Buckhead is the state’s best bar district by far, but it is also a magnet for the South’s SEC kids. Wear your colors with caution.
19. Going to trivia night at a bar near Georgia Tech
These nerds are way too smart and know way too much. They live off free tabs at Rocky Mountain and Barrelhouse.
20. Buying real estate around Turner Field
It’s going away soon, so don’t expect a return on that investment.
21. Getting chain pizza
We’re home to what is continually called the best pizza in America. Why subject yourself to some generic 'za?
22. Walking up Peachtree past Pine St
Just don’t do it.
23. Being a vegetarian
We love animals as much as the next guy, but in a town with this many great meat options, we love eating them even more.
24. Going to the 16th St IKEA on the weekend
We know you need a knudleflingerstompen to set off your bedroom, but brave that nightmare of strollers and Swedish-meatball eaters on a Saturday or Sunday and you might not make it back.
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