What does the town of Bikinis, TX look like? Hint: there's swimwear involved.

Carmen Electra at the grand opening of Bikinis, TX

Because no swimsuit holds such power, elegance, or breasts as a bikini, it's only natural that the breastaurateur behind Bikinis Bar and Grill would eventually feel compelled to dedicate a town entirely to the two-piece. This is the story of that town, the bikinis, and the inhabitants of both.

Bikinis, TX door lady

Welcome! The town will be open every day of 2014, but for now it's just hosting special events (including this grand opening party we're about to tour you through), with this delightful lady guarding the entrance.

Bikinis, TX crowd

The small one-acre plot of land is located just outside of Fredericksburg and was formerly known as Bankersmith, before the Bikinis dude bought it... on Craigslist. No, really.

Cactus Fuzz at Bikinis, TX

Their grand opener included Cactus Fuzz delivering a potent supply of swamp funk.

DJ Berlin dubstep t-shirt

And DJ Berlin. For a dubstep hater, he sure does play a lot of it.

Bikinis bartender

Those are gigantic... tips that she's receiving for excellent service.

Bikinis, TX t shirt

"The breast place on Earth."

girls at Bikinis, TX

There were actually a surprising number of non-bikini'd babes in attendance.

Bikinis, TX bartender

Plus this girl, who was giving plenty of guys tall boys.

Bikinis, TX bull ride

There's a mechanical bull on premises, too. This girl rode it like a pro, no BS.

Bikinis lap dance

Adorable family fun!

Bikinis, TX corn hole

There was also plenty of good old-fashioned corn-holing.

Black's BBQ

And chopped beef sandwiches, courtesy of the legendary Black's.

Guller Hall

This is Guller Hall, the town's music venue.

Jerry Jeff Walker

Jerry Jeff Walker christened the building with some country.

Bikinis, TX swimsuit competition

And because obviously, there was the first of what're sure to be many swimsuit competitions.

Bikini contestant

Soleil loves dancing, soccer, smothered chicken, and "anything that's mischievous at night".

Bikinis contestant

Corn Nuts once jumped rope nude to raise 2 million dollars for cancer research.

Bikinis contestant

Alexi is a lawyer, and her goal one day is to be a MILF. Also, she has a Batman tattoo.

Bikinis contestant

Sarah apparently used to date The Situation!

Bikinis contestant

Cathy is best known for her laugh, works as a bartender, and...

Bikinis contestant

... is also a physicist!

Bikini contest winner

Whitney holds the record for the world's longest nude slip 'n slide.

Bikini contest finalists

The finalists!

Bikini contest judges

These bros were tapped as judge, jury, and shot executioners.

Bikini contest winner

The champion is slip 'n slide expert Whitney!

Bikinis butts

But the real winner is obviously the crowd.

Carmen Electra at Bikinis, TX with Doug Guller

The guest of honor (Carmen Electra), a bronzed bust of her honors, and Doug Guller: the man who made all of this possible. God bless you, Doug Guller.

Bikinis, TX erection t shirt

And thanks to their merch booth, you can take home a testament to one of the greatest erections of all time.