Without question, Dirty Sixth on a weekend night is nothing short of a circus. A circus comprised of newly legal drinkers, tourists, and the just plain curious. Here's a cross-section of the wondrous personalities you're most likely to encounter in between dodging the occasional vomit land mine.
Aka Gutter Punks, these folks take the notion of earth tones to a whole new level, incorporating ACTUAL dirt into their look!
Kung Fu Tortoises
Not to be confused with licensed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costumes. It’s amazing what some folks can do with duct tape and a little ingenuity.
A gaggle of shrieking 22-year-olds wearing novelty junk purchased at Adult Video Megaplexxxx. Tears, vomit, and bloody knees are forthcoming. Not necessarily in that order, but possibly!
Pizza-Loving Metal Heads
What better combination is there than a huge slice of greasy pizza from a guy who reads lips because he can’t hear you over that ear-piercingly loud Cannibal Corpse.
The Bucket Drummer
When we see these particular musicians, we often wonder what that bucket held before it became an instrument? Lard? Paint? And does it influence the sound?
The Disappointed Out-of-Town Act
They can’t believe they just traveled 400mi to play for 30 bar patrons who are more interested in sticky shots and twerking to an iPod than live music.
The Self-Promoting Hip-Hop Artist
He’s got a folding table, T-shirts, CDs he burned himself, and a sandwich board letting you know he’s straight outtta Houston.
Forever 21 Girls
Crop tops, shredded jeans, black lipstick, and daddy issues.
The Tourist Family
After the Segway tour and the Duck Bus tour, they were pooped and decided to hang out at Old School for a burger and a cold ice tea. Watch the Hawaiian-shirt clad dad lead the Crocs-wearing mom and kids through the bums and revelers and back to the safety of the La Quinta.
Visitors From OU
This gaggle of young men from up North is easy to spot because they're all dressed in pleated khaki shorts and Sperrys, despite not being retirees gearing up for a vigorous round of shuffleboard.
The Gullible Deal-Seeker
Who actually goes into bars to drink $1 Long Island Ice Teas. What is this? Spring Break 1987?! They'll be paying for this decision tomorrow, and not in dollar bills.
Creepy Solo Man
He’s in town for business and expensed one drink too many. Now he's wandering around trying to make friends with girls half his age.
The Not-So-Subtle Evangelist
Yeah, yeah we’re going to hell. We could hear you three blocks ago.
He’s the older gentleman with man-boobs selling flowers outside of Esther’s Follies. Google him.
The Stroller Couple
They inexplicably have their baby in tow while they weave in and out of the sweaty, booze-addled masses. The mom's neck tattoo might be an indicator that this pair doesn't think things through all that well.
The 30-Something With Standards
This Dirty Sixth patron knows better than to try to get a decent drink (or food) at JUST ANY BAR -- he/she parked nearby and is beelining straight to Casino or Jackalope or Midnight Cowboy.
We aren’t sure if these guys even go into any bars... they just hang out in the street yelling, "WASSUP MA?" to any high-heeled women, while smoking Black & Milds.
Selective Door Guy
He’s usually outside of the Majestic and only lets groups of beautiful, albeit clueless, young girls know there’s no cover.
The dude who traveled all the way downtown only to be disappointed that his favorite hangout, The Aquarium, has closed its doors forever. Just kidding, this person doesn’t exist.
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