"What’s the name of this band playing?"
The answer was "Spoon." Face palm.
"I think we’re VIP, dude."
The definition of the term was used very loosely this year.
"Like, 'midget' is not acceptable anymore."
Duh, anyone who watches TLC knows that.
"What can I say about that? Oh my gosh, cross another thing off of my bucket list."
Important context: this was said by a senior lady as she exited the lavatory of a Megabus. Simple pleasures, folks.
"Ohhh... '512' not 'World War 2'."
According to some, there wasn’t much difference. Luckily for our sanity, we aren’t in that camp.
"That’s why I don’t have kids. So I can be an addict and all I have to do is go to work... well, AND hide it from Steve and everyone I know."
Poor Steve, he’s at home in his big armchair watching Hoarders and thinking everything is just hunky-dory.
"Is there, like, an artist lounge? I just really need to unwind for a few minutes."
"Hey! You AND me, sweetheart! Now come stand in this giant crowd like the rest of us!"
"He looks like Gollum now. He does tons of coke."
They should wait until he gets really high then ask him to say,"What’s ‘taters, Precious?!"
"I used to be skinny, but I used to be poor too."
This was immediately followed by a barrage of rap air horns.
"The problem is that I drink myself sober."
The logic on this doesn’t quite work, but we like where this is going.