Boston has a wonderfully rich history, but those Puritanical roots work against the city when it comes to gentlemen's entertainment. The truth is, to experience the best that the Boston area has for strip clubs, you gotta leave Boston proper. Here is the definitive ranking of the 10 best strip clubs that are worth the trek from Beantown.
Dartmouth, MA The King's Inn, known to locals under a less flattering porcine nickname, is the club with the highest odds of landing a stripper who begins crying mid-lap dance. It's the place you joke with your friend that you're taking him for his birthday... and then actually do. Though you can coax one of the bartenders to give you an overpriced back rub here, it's odd that you'd rather get a back rub than have a naked woman gyrating on your lap. Worth it alone to hear about the legend of "Oldie Hawn," quite a story to be told there.
Providence, RI Cheaters (not to be confused with Joey Greco's TV show) is where things get grimy, but it should be known that if you're a deviant with no moral compass, this is the place for you. It's located in a seedy part of Providence; beeline for the "naked room" for some salacious offerings.
New Bedford, MA Though Temptations used to be Foxy Lady SouthCoast, it falls further down the list than Foxy because of the likelihood of a traumatizing stripper encounter. The joint is nice to look at and has a slick interior, but that doesn't detract from the fact that you might get approached by stripper who may or may not be pregnant.
Webster, MA Mario's has undergone some changes over the years and is better for it. The lap dances are reasonably priced, the strippers are all legit, and if you're tired of naked ladies, it's a good go-to for sporting events and food.
Boston, MA The Glass Slipper can be hit-or-miss, but when it's on it's on. There's the potential to hit it up and see some famous performers onstage and you just get amazing performances and personal dances that don't feel like somebody dialing it in for your cash. Some of those dancers really know how to work a pole, and if you're into cleavage surrounded by tattoos, you've found your happy place. If you're there on an off night, it can be a prototypical dive strip club, in which case you can go across the street to...
Boston, MA Just across the street from Glass Slipper, Centerfolds is like a local strip club that you can tell wants to be a New York strip club. What you lack in ambience you gain in freedom. You can read between the lines on that one all you want.
Brockton, MA/Providence, RI The Massachuetts location is a local staple, but at either spot you'll get a great interior setup, high-end girls, and a "legs and eggs" special on weekends if eating eggs and looking at naked women is your thing.
Providence, RI What sets Fantasies apart from other clubs is the overall coolness/well-adjusted-ness of the dancers. Though it is a little dark, there's an odd sort of charm to this place if you land a stripper with the right attitude. Club Fantasies won't rewrite the book, but it still has a few chapters worth thumbing through.
Providence, RI Continuing Rhode Island's stripper dominance, if you're looking for more of the strip clubs you see in hip hop music videos, The Cadillac Lounge is where you should bring your lap. It not only sports one of the cooler names among nearby strip joints, but it's very welcoming to couples. Add to that two poles with girls dancing simultaneously, and a pretty nice secluded VIP area.
Providence, RI We've stripped away the rest of the clubs like so much extraneous clothing to deliver the winner: Desire. It's slowly earned its reputation by giving its target demo what it wants and by doing it on multiple floors. Head to the second floor for a more lascivious experience (LUST VIP needs to be seen to be believed). Sure, it can get pricey, but in the same breath, there's no single strip club experience in or around Massachusetts or Rhode Island that can compare.
Sign up here for our daily Boston email and be the first to get all the food/drink/fun the Hub has to offer.