The 99 problems with Boston
Boston may not have all the problems it had back in the day (i.e. trigger-happy British soldiers), but that doesn't mean it doesn't still have a few. 99 of them, to be exact.
1. The Yankees
2. Especially A-Rod
3. Even when he’s suspended
4. Anyone in Yankees gear
5. Winter lasts six months
6. We think we can host the Olympics
7. "Signal problems" on the T
8. "Inattentive" Green Line drivers
9. Government Center Station is closed for the next 2+ years
10. Construction/Red Line delays on the Longfellow Bridge
11. The Commuter Rail struggles in all weather conditions
12. Bus punctuality
13. Basically, most of the T system
14. We need more Dunkin’ Donuts
16. Still paying for the Big Dig
17. The Mannings
18. Criminally insane real estate prices
19. Eight titles since 2001 have left us with dwindling banner and trophy space
20. Self-righteous cyclists who run red lights
21. City Hall looks like a doom bunker…
22. … surrounded by a brickyard wasteland (cue tumbleweeds).
23. 365 days of tourist season
24. Faneuil Hall during tourist season. Which, again, is always.
25. Daylight lasts approximately four hours in the Winter
26. You can’t swim in the Charles River. Well, you can, but it’s gross.
27. Cabs are never around when you need them
28. People who wear backpacks on crowded trains
29. Not enough late-night diners for people who enjoy 4am waffles and bacon
30.Lobster roll addiction = expensive
31. Construction. Always.
32. The rats aren’t as personable as the ones in that Pixar movie
33. People who complain it’s hot when Winter JUST HAPPENED
34. Lack of TV station dedicated to Eckersley’s mullet
35. The Celtics, as presently constructed
36. Logan Airport
37. Cambridge hippies
38. Dealing with terrible accent impersonations from outsiders
39. Storm drains are purely decorative
40. One of the worst cities if you have allergies. It’s true!
41. Still not over Buckner
42. Parking Downtown
43. That second mortgage you took out because you parked Downtown that one time
44. Bernie & Phyl’s commercials
45. The unused HOV lane on 93
46. Not one drop of shade on the Greenway
47. One-way streets
48. Duck Tours
50. The Canadiens
51. Overpriced drinks
52. Strip club scarcity
53. Anyone on the street with a clipboard
54. Anywhere without AC
55. Traffic, still
56. Patriots’ Day should be two days.
57. Keytar Bear was attacked!
58. Street signs = optional
59. Intellectual snobbery
60. Sports snobbery
61. Sidewalk dog poop
62. Inadequate Mexican food
63. Spring lasts three days
64.TD Garden is no Boston Garden
65. Aaron Hernandez
66. The Lakers
67.St. Paddy’s Parade spectators
68. Brady’s getting old
70. Street musicians
71. Crossing the street shouldn’t be this dangerous
73. Remember when the Red Sox were good?
74. Most drivers
75. Lack of Downtown grocery stores
76. Pink Red Sox hats
77. The bars close too early
78. Not enough street food
79. Moving your car for street cleaning
80. Forgetting to move your car for street cleaning
81. Never enough patios
82. Sports bandwagoners
84. Faux Irish pubs
85. Why is happy hour illegal again?
88. People who don’t watch where they’re going on sidewalks because they’re busy with #Hashtags
89.Fever Pitch exists
90. Most people named Sully
91. The rest of Massachusetts
92. A little too close to Rhode Island
93. And Connecticut
94. Getting to Cape Cod
95. Harvard kids
96. And MIT kids
97. Really, all college kids
98. But ESPECIALLY Emerson kids
99. We don’t have a problem. You’re the one with the problem.
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