14. Why yes, you do smell delicious chocolate in the air
It’s magic! Or the Blommer Chocolate Factory. Still, you see why we’re heavy, right?
15. The bars close at 2am
Unless you’re at a 4am bar, in which case, they close at... 4am. And unless it’s Saturday, in which case, the 4am bars close at 5am. Bad decisions await you.
16. Not everyone you meet who says they’re “from Chicago” lives in the city
That girl you met at the 4am bar who wants you to cab it back to Schaumburg with her? Don’t do it. Unless she’s really hot.
17. Yes, New York and San Francisco friends, our rent IS that cheap
Indianapolis friends who brag about their comparatively inexpensive rent will be punished by… having to go back to Indianapolis.
18. Your Cubs jokes aren’t funny
Unless you tell them to Sox fans, in which case, they’re hilarious.
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Matt Lynch is a Senior Editor at Thrillist and will happily dispense his Chicago insights to friends, tourists, and random strangers on the street who didn't even ask him anything. Follow him @MLynchChi.