Why he hates Chicago: Emilio may have been in the running for "least insane Sheen brother," that was until last year's Stanley Cup playoffs when the Anaheim Ducks evangelist dispelled any good will among Chicagoans. Firing direct shots at the Blackhawks fanbase (windbags! he called us, windbags!) via Twitter verges on Bieber-levels of desecratory behavior.
Why he's a complete idiot: We get it Emiliooooooooooo, you need to root for team Disney in order to slurp up those sweet, sweet residuals, but this shouldn't come at the expense of the mighty Blackhawks. Ultimately Chicago went on to hoist Lord Stanley's Cup and Coach Bombay will always be a reckless jerk who thought it was a good idea to start a tank-ass like Goldberg in goal over the nimble Julie "The Cat" Gaffney. Amateur.
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Sean Cooley is Thrillist's senior editor and he already knew that Greenland's not green. Follow him on Twitter: @SeanCooley.