Are we really going to ignore the racism?
A certain Washington DC-based football team draws the most insensitive team name hype, because said name is arguably too hateful to print and because the owner is one of the most hateable men in sports. But just because Daniel Snyder, who may have the only face more punchable than Ben Affleck's, maintains the most egregious franchise name in all of sports, that doesn't give Cleveland a pass here.
Forget for a second that the name “Indians” gives legitimacy to Columbus’s horrific mistreatment of native peoples and geographic idiocy. Well don’t actually forget it, but that’s not the worst of it. Their logo is pretty much the Native American equivalent of blackface. And they know it! And they’ve said they’re going to “move away from it.” But they lie!
And don’t talk to us about the Blackhawks’ logo (the Stanley Cup playoffs aren’t for months!).
Enough about the racism, let’s hate some players!
Cleveland isn’t actually all that deep on name-brand hateable dudes, but familiarity breeds contempt so this can change fast! Let’s get things moving.
Starting pitcher Trevor Bauer horribly mangled his finger in a drone-repair mishap (yep, millennial problems), tried to pitch a few days later, and grossed everyone out as he bled everywhere after like three pitches. That is both irresponsible and rude. And hilarious.
Relief pitcher Andrew Miller is someone who the Cubs REALLY wanted to trade for because he throws magic fire baseballs no one can seem to hit, but the Yankees allegedly wanted Kyle Schwarber which was too much, dammit (Schwarber might be back?! Update: He's back!). So now Cleveland has him. Which isn’t really Andrew Miller’s fault. But still, hate that guy!
Outfielder Coco Crisp inspires kids to reach for sugar-laden breakfast cereals instead of making healthier choices.
Second baseman Jason Kipnis is a Glenbrook North alum who grew up a massive Cubs fan. Also known as a TRAITOR.
DH/first baseman Carlos Santana does not use “Smooth” as his walk-up music, which just seems like a serious missed opportunity?
What about the manager?!
That’d be Terry Francona, aka the guy who guided the Red Sox to their drought-ending title. He’s a pretty good manager... when he's not allegedly sending shirtless photos of himself to other guys’ much younger girlfriends!