And lo, Mike Ditka and his heavenly mustache came down upon the city of Chicago carrying an Al's Beef and a tablet, and on it (the tablet, not the Al's Beef) were inscribed these 24 Commandments, which he gave to the people of Chicago so that they may live in unity without fear of bizarre weather patterns or being judged for overeating. And the tablet read:
1. Know thine major streets by name AND number
If someone tells you they live at '2450 N Wherever' and you don’t immediately think, “Just North of Fullerton”, you’re doing it wrong.
2. Cherish every last moment of Summer
Because… come on, really?