For the guy who is seriously unable and unwilling to sing...
Movieoke at The Whistler (click here for address and deets)
Because you've been practicing your "Get in the chopper!!!" Arnold voice for months, you're gonna wanna hit Chicago movieoke, which requires no singing whatsoever. Instead, they've got a full catalog of iconic scenes from the likes of The Big Lebowski and Caddy Shack, all projected with subtitles that you (hopefully awesomely) read off.
When to go: First Monday of every month, 9p.