There are two things your buddies from not-Chicago will never understand: 1) how to properly consume an Italian beef, and 2) winter in Chicago. While we can't help the former, we CAN help the latter with these: the 19 things only Chicagoans understand about winter.
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Just remember, if you section off the parking spot in front of your house with lawn chairs and police tape, you can’t get pissed when you’re looking for a spot and someone else is doing the same. There are rules.
2. We wake up with a lot of mysterious bruises in the morning
Thanks, Clark St black ice slip 'n falls.
3. There is a reason our shoes/jeans are perpetually covered in salt stains
And that reason is Chicago.
4. Having a shovel in your house is not enough
You need one for the car, too.
5. Winter starts on Halloween and ends on St. Patrick's Day
6. A good parking place is more important than any social obligation
This spot > your nephew’s birthday party in Arlington Heights. Trust us.
7. We cover our drafty windows in plastic wrap so our heating bill isn't $700
You'll laugh... until your heating bill is $700, too.
8. We have to come up with a whole new tipping system for takeout during a snowstorm
And that system involves tipping the Chicago pizza guy at LEAST $5 extra in a blizzard.
9. We have to weigh the tradeoff between texting and having warm hands
And while emoji-ing waits for no man, it does wait for an L stop with a heater.
10. Snowplows can actually bury your car deeper in snow
There are tradeoffs for having a plowed street. Unless, of course, you're Ald. Ed Burke.
11. Our beers can freeze at outdoor events
Yes, it’s happened to us at Bears games.
12. Parking in a snowstorm is like the Wild West, if people in the Wild West had cars
... and were in a snowstorm. We're talking a complete breakdown of social order.