Fire game. Jury duty. We have now exhausted the list of acceptable reasons for visiting Bridgeview. If Grandma lives there, she should probably come to you.
Thanks for ratting out Jackie Robinson West. That was a really cool thing you did.
There is a sizable chance your house is easily movable and not safe in a tornado.
Come for the corrupt mayor and police department. Stay for the strip clubs! On second thought... maybe don’t.
Kind of like Harvey, but slightly better. But not too much. Don’t get any ideas, Markham.
Do you smell something? (Hint: it’s neglect.)
Crete is a resplendent island in the Mediterranean that was the cradle of the Minoan civilization. It’s also a town where you ask, “Are you sure this isn’t Indiana? Prove to me we aren’t in Indiana.”
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Matt Lynch is a Senior Editor at Thrillist who is wondering if he will ever again be welcome in the suburbs. Let him know @MLynchChi.
Raf is a long-tenured Baratheon loyalist and Point Break apologist. You can check out his weird-smelling blog Alley Connoisseur, and follow him at @RafFoSho.
Evan F. Moore also contributed to this compendium of constructive criticism.