11 New Year's resolutions from your besties at Thrillist Chi

Frito Pie

We know you’re tired of never keeping/never bothering to make your New Year’s resolution. Well so are we, which's why we've decided to keep some this year decided to actually make some this year. Check 'em out...

1. We resolve to change our eating habits, starting with limiting ourselves to one Frito Pie from Big Star... per visit... per day...

2. We resolve to move out of our crappy neighborhood.

3. We resolve to finally go back to school if only to take "Zombies in Popular Media" at Columbia.

4. We resolve to stop smoking e-cigarettes in bars. We are (allegedly) not the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland.

5. We resolve to spend more time with friends and family racing down the sidewalks of Chicago after drinking allllllllllll the beers.

6. We resolve to lose 150lbs by throwing that Bowflex in the garbage, then kicking back in a sauna at Red Square.

7. We resolve to stop texting/taking selfies while Divvy-biking.

8. We resolve to stop falling prey to cougars at River North piano bars. Or at least not as often.

9. We resolve to make better decisions at bars in general.

10. We resolve to save up enough money to buy bankrupt Detroit before the RoboCop remake floods the city with tourism revenue.

11. We resolve to better manage our Ventra stress... surely this can’t spill over to 2014, right??