Running of the Bulls... in Chicago? Yep.

Ever wanted to do the whole Running of the Bulls thing without having to do the whole $3,000 round-trip-airfare-to-Spain thing? Well, this Saturday at Hawthorne Race Course in Cicero, you totally can thanks to the Mark Cuban-backed Great Bull Run. Here's everything you need to know before you get gored:

1. You'll need to register

In exchange for your info and a signed waiver (because this event is almost as dangerous as a visit to Willis Tower), you'll get a shirt and bandana (bull SWAG)... which you'll get to don during any of six race times.

2. Running with the bulls is more like a dash than a marathon

These horny animals travel at 35mph, which means they're A LOT faster than you -- so you'll just pick a point at which you want to sprint in front of them, then dodge off the track once their horns get a little too close for comfort. And unlike their Spanish counterparts, these bulls are treated humanely -- not butchered and served up as cojones -- and are accustomed to running alongside humans (making them slightly less prone to murdering you).

3. It's followed by a giant tomato fight (that you can register for, too)

Crate upon crate of the frui... vegetab... red circle thingies are unloaded so you can, well, unload on others. Just squish them a little before and don't take any head shots.

4. There's also a big, all-day festival with music, games, food & drink

AND anything you registered for gets you a free beer. So if you're doing the bull run AND the tomato fight, that's... plus the... carry the... divide by... two beers! You can also register for a "spectator" ticket, wherein you can watch your bros get trampled/pelted, and then join them for the all-day drinking thing in far less pain.

5. And most importantly, you can get $15 off your tickets

Just enter "THRILLIST" as your promo code when registering here. The code is valid through Wednesday, July 9th, so get on it.

Sean Cooley is Thrillist's Chicago Editor and he has some snowball vendettas to settle this weekend. Follow him @SeanCooley.