The 37 Grossest Things About Chicago
In many ways, Chicago is one of the most beautiful cities on earth. In other ways, it’s really not. It all depends on the way you look at it. And, since we’ve already looked at it the first way (see: why Chicago is better than every other city ever), today we're looking at it the second way. Here are the 37 grossest things about Chicago.
1. The oil accumulating on your face after five minutes of being outside in AugustIt’s like you’re 16 all over again.
2. Mystery subway seat stainsCould be donut glaze. Could be NOT AT ALL donut glaze.
3. The bathrooms at any bar on Clark StAim is not great here.
4. Frozen condoms on the sidewalkNot that we’re not intrigued as to how it got there.
5. Caked-on sidewalk vomitMade equally gross by repeated foot traffic.
6. Those centipede bugs in your basementYou can kill them, but they’ll be back.
7. CicadasOnce every 17 years is more than enough.
8. Pigeon excrement, everywhereSeriously, pigeons?
9. Navy PierWe can (kind of) help.
10. The weatherDuh.
11. Coal smokestack airCan’t be good for the environment.
12. Ketchup on hot dogsIt’s a Chicago thing.
13. Exposure to Chicago River waterForever unclean.
14. Weird sex shops on Hubbard...... and the gentlemen who frequent them.
15. NapervilleEnough said.
16. The underside of your blanket after lying in a parkThose stains are for life.
17. The urinals at Wrigley FieldDividers would be nice.
18. Yellow snowThat’s not a lemonade snow cone.
19. Cab smellsNot to mention cabbie smells.
20. St. Paddy's DayAnd how you feel after St. Paddy’s Day.
21. Retrieving your car from a city tow lotIs this where Ebola began?
22. Sitting behind a garbage truck in trafficOn the bright side: free smells.
23. The dog poo that appears everywhere once the snow meltsHidden no more. Like magic!
24. Chicago River garbage...... especially after it rains.
25. The smell of chocolate and sewage mixing in the air near Kinzie and CanalNot a great combo.
26. Being the bedbug capital of the US
27. Beach closings because of seagull crapYes, it happens.
28. The scum that builds up in the "L" tunnelsAnyone have extra rubber gloves?
29. The entirety of Lower Wacker DrSo many dumpsters, so little ventilation.
30. Anything wet that drips on you from aboveNo, that’s not a rain shower.
31. Bubbly Creek
32. White Castle food, before 1amAfter 1am? A thing of beauty.
33. This Bears teamA joke, kinda.
34. Masturbating bumsCan’t be a good thing.
35. Humboldt Park after Riot FestGood thing you didn’t wear your new white shoes. Or did you?
36. Dirty snowOnce it hits the ground, all claims to beauty are off.
37. Lollapalooza Porta-PottysWe've all been there.
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Jay Gentile is Thrillist’s Chicago Editor and remains optimistic that the good outweighs the gross... most of the time. Follow him @ThrillistCHI.