New Year’s Eve can be the worst, even when it isn’t a star-studded trash heap of a film with no discernible plot. If you have big expectations, it’ll never meet them, and if you have no expectations… it’ll still somehow fail to meet them. Worse still, wherever you are, you could run into one of these 13 absolutely terrible people:
1. The Amateur
He’s typically “not much of a partier”, but hey, it’s New Year’s Eve, so he’s “just going to go for it”. Wait, why is his shirt off? It’s 830p. Someone please switch him to the sparkling apple juice that the pregnant lady brought. He won’t be able to tell.
2. The Guy Who Can’t Believe There Are No Cabs
Who could have possibly foreseen that trying to land a taxi on Clark Street at 230a might prove difficult? Why yes, this IS a great time to start swearing at those people who got in a cab in front of you even though they were clearly there first. Oh great, now your girlfriend is crying. Maybe try Uber? WHAT DO YOU MEAN RATES ARE HIGHER?!
3. Mr. Sentimental
Sometime around 10p, he’ll start bro-hugging you and talking about how you’re seriously one of his best friends while exhaling whiskey all over you. You consider him a casual acquaintance at best.
4. The Uptight Host
“Thanks so much for inviting me to your sparkling new River North condo. Of course I’ll take my shoes off! A glass of wine? Sure. Um… fine, I guess I can use a sippy cup. And yes, I’ll use a coaster. Wait, why do I need a second coaster FOR my coaster?”