Hector, age 28
It’s like he’s the distant offspring of one of Bill Swerski’s Super Fans, minus the Ditka ‘stache. In fact, around 90% of his thoughts are eerily similar to the lyrics of Dennehy: Bears, Hawks, Sox, Bulls. His weekends are spent tailgating at Soldier Field or the Cell, grilling brats, chops, dogs... onions, onions, onions, onions. That being said, that never-ending “rain or shine” level of devotion is a huge bonus.
Your first date: He explains the entire history of Original Six hockey over chicken wings and makes it clear that anyone without a Tony Amonte sweater is a Blackhawks bandwagoner.
The inevitable breakup: You’ll break up with him after realizing that he’ll never be quite as passionate about your relationship is he is about Chicago sports.