The Ones Waiting for Au Cheval
We accept that we’re partly responsible for you being there, but we want our burger dammit!
The Guy Who Didn't Really Do His Research
Is currently berating a concierge, wondering why he can’t get a table at Alinea for tonight.
The Judgmental Teetotaler
Look, if it’s a nice day, people start drinking by 11am. If it’s overcast... still 11am. Either way, take your disapproving looks and go back to Utah.
The Boystown Homophobe
Accidentally wandered across Halsted after stumbling out of Moe’s Cantina, and suddenly it’s "whoa, what’s up with all these rainbow towers shaped like... eww gross". He’s currently getting a lapper at VIP’s to reaffirm his hetero-ness, while secretly thinking about checking out Hydrate later.
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When Thrillist Senior Editor Matt Lynch isn’t shortening his lifespan with Chicago’s fine cuisine and beverages, he is probably being a terrible tourist in other cities. Follow him @MLynchChi.