It snuck up on you again, didn’t it? Halloween is imminent and all you can muster together is a crappy toilet paper mummy costume. But fear not, these last-minute, Chi-centric Halloween costumes will have you sneak-attacking your costume contest once and for all
Zombie Ira Glass What you’ll need: Stage blood, zombie makeup, a suit, black glasses, deviated septum
With some blood and Clark Kent glasses, you’ll be the spitting image of Chicago’s shining beacon of storytelling. It’ll be a great excuse to bust out that Ira Glass impression you’ve been working on: “This week, more stories of This American BRAINS. Today’s theme: BRAINS. This is Glenn Baker, he’s 32, a mailman, each day he travels his route through Ravenswood by foot… that is until one day, I chased him down, and ripped his intestines out”. In conversation, remember to pimp the public radio pledge drive as often as possible, which might actually be easier now since you’re dead inside
Bill Murray (Lee Corso Beatdown Edition) What you’ll need: Purple derby, tie-dyed t-shirt, jeans, old man wrestling skill
The enigmatic American treasure has provided costume inspiration from Caddyshack to Ghostbusters to The Life Aquatic, because when you’re dressed as Bill Murray, you can show up anywhere unannounced and be showered with love. Most recently, Bill was seen laying the smacketh down on ESPN college football analyst Lee Corso for dressing in Native American tribal garb to pick the Florida State Seminoles over Clemson in front of the Tigers' home crowd. So, while you’re party-hopping, if you see any one dressed as a Native American -- doesn’t matter if it’s Pocahontas -- you lay them out!
Rahm Emanuel’s Missing Fingertip What you’ll need: Flesh-colored suit, cardboard fingernai
How did Rahm Emanuel lose his middle finger? Meat-cutting accident as a teenager? No way, that’s the cover-up. As the missing digit, you’ll give everyone the straight scoop on how you and the mayor parted ways. The truth is you drove him to madness -- criticizing his pirouettes in dance class, saying he’d never be smart enough for Charter School -- and that’s when he cut you off for good. If you happen to accidentally bump anyone at your Halloweeen party, let them know they just got fingered by the Mayor of Chicago
Rahm Emanuel's SEXY Missing Fingertip What you'll need: Same stuff, plus a bikini top We 100% guarantee no one else will have this costume
Smokin’ Jay Cutler What you’ll need: Bears jersey, pack of Marlboro Reds, groin wra
While the rest of the squad bears down to play the Packers, Smokin’ Jay sits at home resting his groin, texting Brandon Marshall, and piling up Marlboro Miles. This also presents a couple's costume possibility if you'd like to have Kristin Cavallari yell at you for smoking near the baby
Wisconsin Snuggle House Employee What you’ll need: Snuggie, PJ’s (preferably fabric that doesn’t cause friction
For some strange reason, the proprietors of a Snuggle House in Madison, WI are having trouble getting their business venture off the ground. Be an ambassador for this not-at-all-a-prostitution-ring as you show others the therapeutic benefits of being touched by a complete stranger. Appropriate Snuggle House Employee behavior: hugs, soft pets, cuddles. Inappropriate Snuggle House Employee behavior: most of the stuff you're actually looking to do on Halloween.