Dallas Ranks No. 1 at These 10 Things. Suck It, Every Other City.

<a href=";pl=edit-00">Dorti</a> / <a href=";pl=edit-00"></a>

Dallas... not just better than Fort Worth, but better than LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE. Not that you needed proof of this, but here it is: 10 scientifically backed ways in which Dallas trumps every other city:

1. Best at preaching

Lord knows we are the best at preaching, and if we can't heal you, we can sure as hell (pun intended) try. Maybe that's why no less a spiritual authority than... Time Magazine (?) named Dallas' own T.D. Jakes "America's Best Preacher." Also, just anecdotally, have you seen the size of the churches around here?

<a href=";pl=edit-00">Ken Durden</a> / <a href=";pl=edit-00"></a>

2. Best at jumbotrons

Okay fine, Houston recently built a bigger jumbotron than the one at Jerry's World, but that achievement is immediately negated by... it happening in Houston. We were the first to have an insanely oversized jumbotron, and therefore it will always be the best. And even if we did flub the Super Bowl this year, at least we made the playoffs, and that catch WAS A CATCH! (Drops microphone.)

3. Best at affordable traveling

Fine, Dallas may not be Miami or LA when it comes to being a tourism draw, BUT it is, in fact, the most affordable among major cities. A room in Dallas will set you back about eighty bucks, and you have your pick of an estimated 75,000 hotel rooms. That "staycation" is looking pretty good right about now, eh?

4. Best at unattractive college campuses

According to a recent list by The Princeton Review, the University of Dallas -- the Irving-based Catholic private school -- is the "least beautiful" campus. Yeah, we didn't know there was a University of Dallas either, but hey, at least one of our colleges actually made a list!

5. Best place to find a job

If there's one thing that Dallas does well, it's putting people to work. If you're looking for a job, you're more likely to find one here than anywhere else, and thus more likely to be able to use the comeback, "well at least I HAVE a job." Here's looking at you, New York City.

6. Best at keeping bicycles off the roads

We just aren't friendly to bicyclists here. From the lack of bike lanes and sidewalks, to punching them in the face (yes, this happened recently), bikers here just don't get any love. This is car country.

7. Best at skylines

Manhattan? Chicago? Nope. Dallas. The USA Today reader contest was based on architectural elements and not just dazzling lights, like those on the Vegas strip, which is why Dallas topped the list. Of course, the fabulous Omni Hotel and it's interactive, colorful lighting probably had something to do with the outcome... and the fact that two Dallas-based architects helped compile the list.    

8. Best at being at risk for natural disasters

Move to Texas, they said; you'll be safe, they said... WRONG. Tornadoes, golfball-sized hail, dangerous winds, flooding, grass fires, and even hurricane remnants (thanks Gulf of Mexico) are lurking around every corner. And just when you thought we were safe from earthquakes... we have those now, too. If Ebola doesn't kill us first, it'll surely be one of the above.

9. Best at having a weird, hairy little brother

Of all the places to be named "Hairiest City in America," who'd have thought it'd be plucky little Plano?

10. Best at inspiring football hate

According to a recent poll done by Public Policy Polling, the Cowboys are NOT, in fact, America's favorite team, but its LEAST favorite. Wait. Maybe that's why Dez Bryant's catch was such a fiasco -- we are secretly hated by the rest of America. Who's the second least favorite? Da Bears. We kind of hate them too, so we can all agree on that one.

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