10 reasons why the Philadelphia Eagles are the worst

After the fallout that came from trotting out the Andy Reid/Donovan McNabb combo for about 37 years and then hiring a dog murderer, the Eagles would appear to be on something of an upswing. They bring in Chip Kelly, they start running like 600 plays a game, and suddenly they're gettin' a little air underneath those wings. Cowboys fans know the truth though: they're still the worst. Here are just some of the many reasons why, as they prepare to spend their Thanksgiving in Jerry's world: 

Philadelphia Eagles

1. Everyone (wrongly) thinks they’re fun to watch now

No seems to care that they play football like you did when you were 10-years-old in your backyard, running up to the line because your chubby friend wasn’t able to catch his breath yet. Your gimmicks will get old, Chip.

Butt Fumblers

2. Their current starting quarterback is this guy himself

That’s right, Mark "Buttfumble" Sanchez. Watch it. Watch it again with a funny soundtrack! Watch ESPN devote an entire Sports Science segment to it!


3. Their other QB looks like Napoleon Dynamate

On the downside of his career. Oh, and also their former quarterback remains a dog murderer. That warrants mentioning twice.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

4. In the last 30 years, they've made the Super Bowl twice

Once in real life, and once in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

5. For historical clarification, they lost both times 

Yes, they couldn't even win in a movie. As for Super Bowl XV -- somewhere Dick Vermeil is still crying.

Philadelphia Eagles

6. About that racist wide receiver...

... that’s still awkward.


7. Phillysucks.com is an actual website that exists

And it's just what it sounds like! People hate the city so much, they've dedicated a piece of virtual real estate to talk about.


8. They cheered when Michael Irvin injured his spinal column

Michael Irvin lay helpless on the ground, while Eagle fans, disappointed with their own existence, gleefully cheered on his misfortune. The injury ultimately ended his football career, by the way. You stay classy, Philadelphia.

Judge Judy

9. There are bad fans, and then there are Philly fans

At one point they had to assign a municipal court judge to the stadium to deal with the fans who would, inevitably, be forcibly removed from the stadium.


10. Seriously, it cannot be overstated how terrible their fans are

Booing Santa Claus? Check. Throwing up on a kid? Check. On purpose? Check. Look, every team has its share of bad apples, but Philly takes it to another level. They're the Florida of sports fan bases, in that, if you hear of a fan doing something so awful you'd never thought possible and think to yourself, "Philly?" Usually, you are right.

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