And lo, Mark Cuban did drive into Dallas, wearing clothing that seemed out of place for a man driving such an expensive car. In one hand he held a Big Red, in the other he held two tablets with a series of commandments, which, if followed, would lead the people of Dallas to health and happiness. Well, maybe not necessarily health...
1. Take advantage of patio weather
Patio weather = anything below 90 degrees. Except when there's hail.
2. Eat your Whataburger
And promise to defend its honor against foreign interlopers like In-N-Out.
3. Drive around for 15 minutes before valeting anyway
Because you don't really have a choice.
4. Roll your eyes at the valet
After they park your car 12ft from where you're standing.
5. Keep road rage to one outburst a day
It's not easy with all those roads involving the number 35, but you can do it.