And lo, Mark Cuban did drive into Dallas, wearing clothing that seemed out of place for a man driving such an expensive car. In one hand he held a Big Red, in the other he held two tablets with a series of commandments, which, if followed, would lead the people of Dallas to health and happiness. Well, maybe not necessarily health...
1. Take advantage of patio weather
Patio weather = anything below 90 degrees. Except when there's hail.
2. Eat your Whataburger And promise to defend its honor against foreign interlopers like In-N-Out.
3. Drive around for 15 minutes before valeting anyway Because you don't really have a choice.
4. Roll your eyes at the valet After they park your car 12ft from where you're standing.
5. Keep road rage to one outburst a day It's not easy with all those roads involving the number 35, but you can do it.
6. Know when to leave the stadium early If you have the Rangers, Cowboys, and a beautiful day for Six Flags happening all at the same time, you have the traffic equivalent of The Perfect Storm. Don't be a hero.
7. Drink local Between breweries like Deep Ellum, Armadillo, and Peticolas, and distilleries like Firestone & Robertson, you have no reason to do otherwise.