The 22 Worst Decisions You Can Make in Dallas
Dallasites usually make good decisions, like consuming BBQ whenever possible. But sometimes they make poor decisions, like these:
1. Ordering that extra late-night taquito at Whataburger
It always sounds like a good idea. Until... well, if you’ve done it, you know. And you’ve probably done it.
2. Working in a hospital during the Ebola fiasco
Things got real. Quick.
3. Time Warner
4. Driving anywhere during an ice storm
The ice is black. Again, BLACK ICE. It sounds like a death metal band. Emphasis on "death". Stay home and watch Netflix. Because you got rid of cable!
5. Making it to DFW Airport during rush hour
Unless you live in Irving... but that would also be a terrible decision! Now, Love Field? Love Field you can do.
6. Picking up "hitchhikers" off Harry Hines
They're not hitchhikers. And the police know this.
7. Shopping at any Wal-Mart past midnight
Especially Super Wal-Mart. You will see things you can’t un-see.
8. Sitting on a patio in peak summertime
Quit kidding yourself and pretending those patio misters are actually doing anything. Embrace the AC.
9. Saying anything bad about Tony Romo
If the Cowboys are doing well, that is. When he inevitably screws it up, saying anything good becomes the bad decision. It is a delicate dance.
10. Bottomless mimosas on Sunday
What started out as a pleasant weekend brunch just turned into a potential appearance on the Six O’Clock News.
11. "Riding Dirty" in Highland Park
When you’re pulled over, which you will be, that broken taillight will become a $500 repair. However, if you're in Dallas, ride on brother. Ride on.
12. Offering to buy a group of girls in Uptown a drink
First of all, Romeo, this never works. Second of all, that little proposal will set you back about fifty bucks... and don’t forget tip.
13. Not taking flash flood or tornado warnings seriously
Unless you’re fond of using your car as a flotation device or airplane.
14. Accidentally getting on I-635 any time of day. Or night.
Scheduled completion of construction 2035.
15. Attempting a 4-mile Katy Trail run in August
Look, don’t be a hero. Treadmills exist.
16. Going to IKEA in Frisco on a Saturday
Unless you’ve always been curious what hell looks like.
17. Expecting an open seat and parking at the West Village Starbucks
You won’t get either. Either skip your morning latte or go to the one off Allen.
18. Trying to find a lease in Uptown for less than $1200
Ha. Hahahahahaha. Oh man, that’s good.
19. Leaving your car outside when there’s hail in the forecast
How’s that deductible bill treating you?
20. Northpark Mall just before Christmas
Whatever holiday spirit you had will soon be crushed.
21. Agreeing to go to that "after hours" bar after the bar
Yeah, you know the one. Shame on you.
22. Your summertime beard
Maybe you’d be more comfortable in Portland?
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